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She tipped her head to the side, her eyes growing weary. “Ye know why.”
“’Cause o’ me,” he stated, swallowing hard as he acknowledged the truth.
She didn’t respond.
“Please, don’t leave,” he pleaded. Though no one was out in such weather, he lowered his voice to a whisper, refusing to allow another person into their private conversation. “Ye ought not suffer ’cause o’ me own stupidity. I will. I must leave the Mount anyway.”
But she shook her head. “No, ye must stay. Ye ’ave a life ’ere, your work at the gardens, your family. I…I ’ave nothin’.”
August paused. Did she not know he’d been removed from his position as undergardener? His jaw tightened. Of course Mr. May wouldn’t have told her. He’d no doubt blamed August for the entire situation.
Before he could explain himself—share why he had to start a new life elsewhere, Livvy continued. “’Tain’t just ’cause of ye that I be leavin’, though. It be the rumors that’ll start and…” She looked away, her chin trembling as August’s heart broke further. “Me father. ’E don’t want me ’ere. ’E’ll be ’appier with me gone.”
Fire sparked within him at the thought of Mr. May and his despicable behavior. Curse the man. And curse August for not standing up to him and helping Livvy fight for what she actually desired.
Helpless beyond anything, August dropped his hands to his sides, rain sliding down his fingertips. He lowered his brow and removed the anger from his soul. “I be so sorry, Livvy. ’Bout all o’ this. I ne’er meant to ’urt ye. Truly. I ne’er once wished for ye to change, for ye to leave the Mount. I only e’er wished to ’elp ye find your ’appiness. But I went about it in the wrong way. Your Father and I both did. And I can’t tell ye ’ow bitterly”—his voice broke—“I regret doin’ what your father demanded.”
Again, that same desire pushed forth to tell her the truth of Mr. May’s extortion, but he swallowed it back, refusing to blame another for his own actions.
He remained on her doorstep, breathing heavily as he stood before her, rain rushing around them, as it always seemed to do whenever he was with her, as if she caused the drops to fall due to her love of it.
She didn’t respond for a long moment, her eyes unfaltering as they peered at his very soul, as if she could sense by a simple gaze if he was in earnest or not.
So he remained still, allowing her to read him, to feel his sorrow, his pain, and his regret, all the while praying she would understand.
Finally, her features softened, though a sadness filled her eyes. “Thank ye,” she whispered. “I…I believe ye. And for what it be worth, I be glad that ye told me the truth o’ what ye and Father did, as I know ’e’d ne’er would.” She took a step back inside, and a panic gripped his heart. “I wish for ye to know that I’ll ne’er regret the time we spent together. Ye made me live for the first time in me life, and I’ll always be grateful to ye for that.”
Her words were the conclusion to their story, a final goodbye. But they couldn’t be. This couldn’t be the end. “Please,” he begged.
Please, don’t go. Don’t leave the one place ye love.”
“I must,” she whispered in return, her lips pulling down as she fought her emotion. “’Tain’t no other way.”
He wouldn’t believe such a statement. He couldn’t. “I’ll find a way. I promise ye, I’ll find a way for ye to remain ’ere.”
“No, August. Ye must accept me decision.” She glanced over her shoulder. Had she heard her maid approaching? “I must go.”
He stared at her as she inched the door toward him. “I’ll find a way, Livvy,” he stated again. “I promise ye.”
But she didn’t respond before closing the door.
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
“Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised or a little mistaken.”
Emma, Jane Austen
Emma came to visit Livvy the following day. Despite Father believing that Livvy had visited with the woman often over the last few days, Livvy had only ever left the house to be with the Otterhams, deciding to spend as much time with them as she could before she left the Mount.
As such, when Emma did come, Livvy did her best to be herself, but she could feel her defenses rise the moment she saw her friend—who just so happened to be August’s friend first.
Had Emma come merely on his behalf? Or was she truly there to see Livvy because she wished to?
She led the way to the sitting room, situating herself on the seat Father typically resumed by the fire. As Emma sat down across from her, Livvy’s eyes snagged on the book near the table across the room. The Hermit’s Cell. The last one she’d not read of Mrs. Moon’s books. How Livvy wished she could have finished it earlier so she could have delivered it back already. Never mind that now. Father would be the one to ensure the books were given back to their proper owner. Livvy wouldn’t step foot in the Moons’ home again.
Instead of guessing why Emma had chosen to visit that day instead of any other, Livvy went straight to the issue herself. “I s’pose ye’ve ’eard ’bout me and August. The rumors that’ve started.”
Emma winced. “I ’ave.”