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“I can’t. It…It’ll hurt…” Still, the words refused to come.
“Hurt ye?”
August shook his head.
“Hurt Miss May?”
Another silent nod. “And more beside.”
Nicholas stared at him, his frown growing. “Who?”
August couldn’t bear it any longer, shaking his head as he took a step away. But Nicholas reached forward, clasping a strong hand on August’s shoulder.
“August,” Nicholas said, keeping his grip tight. “Tell me.”
Internally, the battle raged, thought versus negative thought, hope versus fear, can versus cannot, until finally, August peered up at his friend.
Nicholas searched his eyes, then understanding dawned. “Me?”
August’s jaw flinched as he clenched it over and over again. “Yes,” he finally breathed. “And…And Emma.”
Nicholas shook his head, his hand falling to his side. “But I don’t understand. What could hurt us ’sides someone knowin’…” He paused, more understanding lighting his eyes in the shadows. “Someone knows?”
August nodded, the pressure still on his chest, on his mind.
“Who?”
Behind them, the musicians finished their song, and applause signaled the end of the dance. Now that he wasn’t leaving the assembly, August needed to ensure another man was introduced to Miss May. After all, that was where his duty had come to lie.
But the mere thought of doing such a thing pressed the breath from his lungs, and he hunched forward. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it any longer.
He couldn’t help Livvy find another man to marry. Not when he wanted to marry her himself.
He couldn’t keep up the lies between them any longer.
He couldn’t keep the secret from Nicholas a moment more.
August needed to say it. He needed to speak the truth. To release himself from this burden he could no longer bear alone. “Mr. May,” he finally whispered. “Mr. May discovered ye.”
As soon as the words were spoken, more fear was felt, but a rush of relief overcame him, as if free from the chains binding him for so long. To tell someone, anyone, what had been restricting him—who had been restricting him—was more than freeing. More than liberating.
It was heavenly.
He blinked furiously to rid himself of the tears pooling in his eyes as relief continued to flood him.
“’Elp me to understand,” Nicholas said softly. “I want to ’elp.”
August drew a deep breath, nodding as he finally found the courage to explain, all the while carrying with him the hope that his friend would be able to help him.
Glancing behind them, ensuring they still stood alone, August began his tale of woe, explaining what he’d been pressed into doing and the threats that hung over him. By the end, though still weighed down, the relief he felt was incomparable.
“Well,” Nicholas said, running his fingers through his hair as he stared at the ground. “No wonder ye didn’t tell me.”
August nodded glumly, staring off at the light pouring in from the doorway to the dance hall.. “I still be riskin’ yours and Emma’s ’appiness by tellin’ ye. But now…” He shook his head. “Now matters be e’en more complicated, what with me fallin’ in love with Miss May. I think Mr. May s’pects it, too, as ’e forbade me from dancin’ with ’er this evenin’.”
“But surely Mr. May would allow ’is daugh’er to marry ye and stay on the Mount if she loves ye, too.”
“I’ve mistakenly thought the same thing. But ’tain’t possible. If ’e resorted to extortion, ’e’ll stop at nothin’ to get what ’e wants.” He paused, shaking his head as his stomach tightened. “But I must tell Miss May. I can’t keep this from her any longer.” He winced, looking up at Nicholas. “Forgive me. I don’t want this to destroy anythin’ ’tween ye and Emma, but I can’t go on any longer. Miss May deserves to know what I’ve been doin’.”
