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“You don’t have to say that,” he mutters.

“I know.”

“You’re confused.”

“I’m not confused about that.”

His eyes search mine.

I force myself to keep talking before courage deserts me.

“I noticed you long before my eighteenth birthday. I knew you were older. I knew you were my father’s best friend. I knew nothing could ever happen.”

Samuel’s breathing deepens.

“But I still watched for you whenever Dad said you were coming over,” I admit. “I changed clothes three times before barbecues. I found excuses to walk past you. At my birthday party, I wore that yellow dress because I thought you might like it.”

His eyes close. “Don’t,” he says.

“Don’t what?”

“Tell me things I can’t forget.”

“You asked if you scared me.”

“I didn’t ask you to give me hope.”

The agony in his voice moves me another step closer.

Only inches separate us now. Samuel’s warmth reaches me. His broad chest rises with each controlled breath, and his hands remain at his sides as though he doesn’t trust them.

I look up into his face. “You don’t scare me because you love me,” I whisper.

His gaze drops to my lips. “What scares you, then?”

“How much I don’t hate hearing it.”

Something fierce flares in his eyes. I place a hand against his chest, feeling his heart hammer beneath my palm. His head lowers a fraction. We are so close that his beard nearly touches my cheek. If I rise onto my toes, our mouths will meet.

For one reckless moment, I want to. Then I see my father’s face. My dad laughing with Samuel over beers on our back porch. My dad calling him the brother he never had. My dad’s fury when he told me Samuel had betrayed us.

I drop my hand. “I can’t.”

Samuel doesn’t move. “Can’t what?”

“Act on this. One night is one thing… true feelings… well that’s another…”

His expression turns unreadable.

“My father already tells everyone you betrayed him,” I say. “If anything happened between us, it would destroy him.”

“Maybe.”

“Not maybe.”

“You don’t belong to Doug.”

“No, but he’s my dad. I love him.”