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“Boys harassed me a lot,” she said, her voice quiet.

“The worst time. The time when they might’ve done something awful to you if I hadn’t been there.”

“Yes. I do remember that. And the way that you made them pay.”

“Yes. One of those boys was the son of a high- ranking member of the crime family. Rather than having me killed, and they very much could’ve done that, they conscripted me to do underground fighting. There’s a lot of money in that. A lot of bets. I did it, because it was more money than I was being offered to do anything else.”

“You… But we had no idea?”

“I know. I played it off anytime I was injured, though mostly I wasn’t. I hurt people, Esme. For money.”

“They hurt you, too.”

“Not often.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

“There was something about you and Alex. When you showed up, I just knew that you hadn’t… You hadn’t been through some of the things that I—that the other kids had been. I wanted to keep you safe. I didn’t want you to know about things like that, even. I didn’t want you to have to be like me. Because being with you was a wonderful thing for me. I didn’t want to poison you.”

“Is that the money that we used to start the company?”

“Yes,” he said. “I felt guilt about that. Especially as time went on. I felt like you were saddled with me in a way that wasn’t fair, and you didn’t even fully know all the details of it. And also I… I began to want you.”

Her hand shifted on his chest. “You began to want me?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

“Three years ago, I suppose. You were twenty-one. Too young.”

“I’m not too young. Think of all the things that I’ve been through.”

“I know that. But I didn’t want to be another thing that you had to go through.”

His words sat heavy between them, and neither of them spoke for a long moment.

“You aren’t something that I have to go through. Adonis, you’re one of the most… You are so important to me.”

“Because you never had a chance to have a different relationship with anyone else.”

She laughed. “It’s funny that you should say that. Because I had that thought on my way down to the wedding. But that isn’t true. I had plenty of chances. I went to college. I could’ve had sex with other men. I chose not to. I wanted you to be the first one.”

“You were off to make it someone else that night we met up.”

“Because I was angry at you. Because I was upset that you left. Because I was trying to get over my obsession.”

“You walked into the office one day,” he said, his throat getting tight. “You were laughing. And it was like I saw you for the first time. I can’t explain it. All the joy that was contained inside of you, it was like a miracle to me. I don’t understand how you can feel that. After everything. It was like seeing you for the first time in the five thousand times all at once. And it was both. Because I know what you’ve been through. Here you are. Still, I am very unhappy that I might’ve stolen some of that. That I hurt you the way that I did. But I was trying, in my own way, to keep you safe.”

She rolled suddenly, on top of him then, both hands pressed flat against his chest as she looked down at him, her nose touching his. She was arched just slightly because of her bump. “Adonis, that is the most foolish thing you have ever said. I’m not a little girl for you to protect anymore. I know you know that. We don’t have that same relationship. Because I have power. I have money and control and maturity. I know what I want. We are not on the street, and you aren’t protecting me physically anymore. I don’t need you to protect me. Not from yourself, or anything else. I’m not naive.”

He reached up and touched her face, dragging his thumb along her cheekbone. There was no arguing. Because he had decided to do this. He had also decided to keep certain things locked away, because while she wasn’t naive in many ways, she was in others. Ways that he wanted her to stay innocent. Because he knew that it wasn’t a good thing to have certain experiences. He knew that innocent wasn’t the insult that she seemed to think that it was.

When you had it wrenched away from you before you could make the choice, it was an awful thing. He saw hers for what it was. It was a glorious ode to elements of survival that she had been able to cultivate.

To protect.

It didn’t mean ignorance. It meant safety.