Page 207

He had spent all this time ignoring it. Ignoring it at his own peril. Because when it had exploded it had done so with enough impact to injure them both.

He had thought that he could outrun it.

Here he was. Faced with the disastrous consequences of his attempt to outrun it.

“But you said…”

“I know what I said,” he said. “I know exactly what I told you. And I know exactly what happened that day at our house. We both wanted each other.”

“Yes. We both decided not to do anything about it. Because we know we have to do this for the baby.”

“But I need you,” he said. “And I suppose that makes me a greedy bastard. Because don’t I already have enough? But I find that I don’t. Because if I don’t have you then that means perhaps someone else will, and I cannot bear it, Esme. I can’t.”

“Why now? Why can you suddenly not bear it?”

“Looking at forever stretched out in front of us should tell you exactly why.”

She jerked her chin out of his hand and looked away from him. “You left me.”

“I did. And today I made vows to you, and I will keep them. I promise you.”

“But I can’t—”

“You don’t want to forgive me. I can understand that. Can you understand that this is what I didn’t want? I didn’t want to drag you into this. A marriage that can never be all the things that you deserve for it to be. I can’t hold back. Not now. Not when I want you so much. Not knowing that we are going to have to live together. Not knowing that…”

“Adonis,” she whispered. “I wish that…”

“I wish I could be different too,” he said. “For you. For the baby.” He felt that. A deep, jagged regret that was unlike anything he had ever experienced before.

He hated his father then, more than he ever had. Because it wasn’t just his childhood that his father had stolen from him. It was his future. Esme deserved more. She deserved better. But her father had stolen her future from her as well. And set her on a collision course with a broken boy who would never be able to be the hero of her story.

Maybe he couldn’t ever be that man, but he could damn well play him.

Hadn’t he put on so many masks throughout his life?

To the point where now he wore businessman with a certain level of ease. Maybe he could learn this. Maybe it could be the same.

Maybe she wouldn’t know the difference, because she had grown up in the same sort of dysfunction that he had.

“Do we have to go to our reception?”

“Yes,” he said. “You said that you wanted this.”

“I did.”

“Then let’s have it. Let’s have a party, Esme, and celebrate our future. Celebrate this marriage. This is what we chose to do. We’ve always been good. Haven’t we?”

She nodded slowly, and he could see that she was thinking about that. About everything they had been before. About everything they were now.

“Yes,” she whispered.

“Yes, you know that we’ve always been good. We will be good here. Now.”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“Come on then, my bride. Let’s have the wedding that you’ve always dreamed of.”

He felt like he was burning with conviction.