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She looked at me, the realization hitting her. While we'd said it between us, we had said nothing to anyone else, and now here we were talking about Instagram, notifications, hearts and likes. Having this out in public gave it a different weight. It made it real in a way that differed from it being said between the two of us.
"I can handle it." She said. "I can handle being public."
"You can handle anything." I said, pulling her close to me.
She rolled her eyes and giggled. "Oh boy, here we go again."
I grinned and placed a kiss on her lips and then took a drink of my coffee.
The morning stretched into the afternoon. We stayed in, curled up on the couch, and watched movies the entire day. After the last movie, we were sitting on the couch, and I was reading through the team's upcoming schedule. I was going to be gone for a brutal five-game stretch over eight days. We were traveling to Detroit, Minnesota, and Winnipeg, then we came home for a quick back-to-back against Montreal and Ottawa.
"What are you thinking about?" Lillah asked.
"Just the upcoming schedule. I'm going to be gone most of next week."
"I know. Tara filled me in on how it works when Matt is gone. They have this whole system where they have scheduled facetimes, morning texts, and a shared calendar that tracks every game and travel day. It sounds a little intense to be honest, but she mentioned it's nice to have, especially when playoffs hit."
"It does, but it will also be way more intense in February and March, so I'd rather put a plan in place so we know we can handle it."
She leaned against my shoulder. "I'll be fine. Cooper and I will hold down the forts. I've also got the boutique project to keep me busy and a new client consultation on Tuesday."
"Oh, I know you'll be fine. That wasn't what I was worried about."
Lillah looked at me, questions in her eyes. "What are you worried about then?"
I put my phone down and turned to look at her. She'd gone from neighbor to opponent to lover to the center of my everything in three short months.
"What is it?" She asked again.
"I'm falling in love with you in a way that's going to make leaving for these trips feel like shit. Every time I'm on a plane or in some hotel room, I'm going to be staring at the ceiling thinking about you instead of reviewing game plans and plays. Then I'll end up calling you at midnight because I can't go to sleep without hearing your voice, and then hearing you will make me miss you so bad that I won't be able to focus on morning practice. I'm questioning if I'm built for this."
"Built for what?"
"For wanting someone this much and having to leave them every other week for most of the year."
She placed her hand on my chest, and I could feel the warmth of her through my shirt.
"Babe, you're built for this." She said, her voice calm. "You're built for hockey and you're built for us. They aren't competing. I don't need you to choose between your career and me; that isn't how this works."
She moved her hand up and cupped the side of my neck, her thumb tracing my jaw.
"I'll be here when you come home. That is my job. Your job is to go out there, play the best game of hockey you can, and come home safe. My job is to be here, waiting with the porch light on and Cooper standing in the doorway. I'll have dinner in the oven, or maybe a pizza on the way, and then I'll remind you that no matter how many cities you've been to or how many games you've played, this is where you belong."
I pulled her onto my lap and held her against me, my face in her hair and my arms tight around her.
"I love you."
"I love you too. I'm not going anywhere, not for five games or eight days. I'll be here long after this season is done. I'll always be here until you no longer want me."
With my hand in her hair, I kissed her, slow and deep.
"I could never imagine not wanting you."
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
LILLAH
Tuesday morning I sat in my living room arranging fabric samples onto a mood board for a new client while waiting for Marshall to message. He'd been gone since Sunday and I was doing whatever I could to occupy my time when the phone rang.