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Turn your attention to another means of securing what you desire.

She wanted to be stronger. She wanted assurance that she was enough. She had thought to seek the aid of the spider, yet even if it could have secured her a positive fate, it still wouldn’t give her what she needed. The ability to grow. To better herself and become the queen Vindrya needed. But how could she change when she was torn between two realities? There was the girl she had been before the sleeping curse stripped away her memories, a girl that lived buried deep inside her. Forgotten yet not without having carved a place just waiting to be filled. And the girl she was now. A girl apart from everyone else, isolated by a world that wasn’t even real.

“Maybe…” Thicket whispered, “this is what the cat had meant.”

“What?” Elian asked, frowning.

The jellyfish venom was said to show two things: who she was at her core and who she wanted to be. It didn’t matter which version was her true self. Nothing was as black and white as that.

Bern had once told her even if she got her memories back, she would never be the same person she was before the sleeping curse. Too much had happened to rewire her character. But what if she could take the best parts of both and use them to shape herself into the person she needed to be?

Maybe then she could find the strength she needed to face Lavender—and her kingdom.

“I’m going in,” Thicket said.

Elian and Lotta exchanged a horrified look. Before either of them could stop her, a voice rumbled from the shadows behind them. “That is a terrible idea.”

Chapter Twenty

Marcellus emerged from the alcove, arms crossed firmly around his chest and a glower fastened to his already vexed expression. His dark skin drank in the moonlight, deepening the sharp lines of his face and making him appear as though he had been born from the jagged limestone cliffs.

“I thought you said you were going to protect her. Not walk her into more danger,” Marcellus said, cutting a glare Elian’s way.

Elian returned the look. Before he could say anything, Thicket demanded, “What are you doing here?”

“It’s been more than thirty minutes,” he said, stalking up to her and grabbing her wrist. “We are going home.”

“How did you even know how to find me?” Then she gasped. “You were following me?”

The corner of his lip twitched. The sight made her see red.

“Did you really think I would let you out of my sight during a war?”

She yanked her wrist free and glowered. “You let me walk home by myself before.”

“Correction—you thought you walked home alone. But I was there the entire time.”

The way he said entire sent ripples of unease skittering through her. That meant… Thicket’s cheeks fumed. He had seen her and Elian. Had heard every word they had said.

“Seeing as how you have no respect for my privacy, I don’t think you get a say in what I do. If jellyfish venom can really bypass any walls built around my mind, it might give me a glimpse into my memories. And maybe, I will learn something that will help me defeat her.”

She had been wrong about her Aneuma and the spider. There was a nagging, strangling fear she was wrong again. But as things stood, she would have to face Lavender alone. How could she do that if she didn’t even know who she was? So much about herself was fragmented. The missing pieces may just be what she needed.

“You are hanging quite a lot on a maybe.”

“I need to do this. Lavender has had the advantage this entire time. If there is a chance this can help us beat her, I am taking it.”

Lotta was right. In the face of a hopeful reality, anything was worth the risk.

“And if you drown?”

“I’ll stay calm,” she said.

“Not good enough.”

“It’s going to have to be.”

Marcellus’ glare cut into her. It may have been sharp, but it wasn’t enough to crumble her resolve. “I am going to do this. No one can convince me otherwise.” She took a deep breath. “But if I start to drown—”