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“I don’t know…”
“How do you not know?” he snapped, the distant look in his eyes shifting to anger.
“It’s complicated. We were engaged. Don’t I at least owe it to Elian and myself to not fully close the door on that?”
“You mean your past self was engaged. What about what you want? What you deserve?”
“I don’t know!” she yelled back. “I just don’t! Everything happened so fast and I haven’t even had a second to catch my breath, let alone sit around going over every single aspect of my love life.”
“One of these days, you are going to have to. You can’t just keep stringing people along, Princess. It’s cruel.”
“I’m not stringing anyone along!”
“You are. You open up, like you actually want to open your heart to the opportunity of love and then you get in your head and pull away again.”
Her face ignited. “Don’t talk like you know what goes through my mind.”
“I think I have a pretty damn good idea. You just don’t like that I said it to your face. I’m not Delmore, Princess. I don’t sugar coat anything just to spare your feelings. It only causes more problems in the end.”
They stared at each other for a long moment, exchanging glares the same way they had blows with a sword.
“Well, at least Elian respects my wishes! I told you I wanted to go alone and yet you came after me anyway, putting yourself in unnecessary danger.”
“You are seriously mad about that?”
“Yes! You almost died, which almost cost me the fight with Lavender.”
“You promised me you would ignore any and all distractions and win.”
“What else did you expect me to do? I couldn’t just let you die!”
“Yes,” he said. “You could.”
Anger flared inside her chest. She shoved him. “How can you say that to me?” Hot tears burned her eyes. “What is wrong with you?”
“What would have happened if you died protecting me? I would be alive, but Vindrya would lose its queen. Bern would lose her best friend. Lotta would lose her job. Even Delmore would be distraught. And you… You have suffered so much. You deserve a good, long life full of happiness and love.”
“And you don’t?”
“You don’t get it.” Marcellus’ eyes deepened, filling with more emotion than she had ever seen from him. “If you die, I have nothing left to live for.”
Thicket’s breath hitched.
“So stop trying to protect me and just let me do my job. Let me just be your guard.”
She glared at him. “I will never stop protecting those I care about. It’s up to me to decide how much my life is worth and how to use it.” With that, she spun on her heel and strode from the room.
Chapter Fifty-Three
Thicket found herself wandering from the castle onto the surrounding streets. Minloc had been beautiful during sunrise, but it was quite charming at night, too. The closed astromeia buds glowed softly, their light harmonizing with the ivory moonlight captured by the lampposts lining the streets, casting everything in pale purple sheen. With the abundance of stars reflected across the sky, it made the city look like a dreamscape.
It would have been far more enchanting if her heart wasn’t being torn in a thousand different directions. She didn’t know which parts of it to listen to and which parts to bury deep inside her. She wished there was a way to make everything work. To make it so that everyone got their happily ever after. But with so many opposing obstacles, it was impossible.
A melody drifted through the air. It was faint at first, so soft Thicket wasn’t sure if she was imagining it. Her feet were light as shadows as she slunk across the streets, following the lull of the music. It coaxed her ears, soothed her soul.
For once, her mind was quiet, free of the constant stream of what ifs and crippling doubts.
The song grew louder. Her blood flowed to the notes, bones rattled to the beat.
