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But I couldn’t explain any of that. I was too shell-shocked from the slap in the face that was Charli’s rejection, too ashamed by the fact that I even had that conversation with my boss.

And now she’s gone. And she left thinking I’m a piece of shit.

I am a piece of shit.

But fuck, I don’t want to be. I don’t want any of this. If I wasn’t convinced of my career change before, I definitely am now. I need out of this environment, this world, this person I’ve become.

Starting with blowing off the rest of my meetings and rushing home to talk to Charli. That’s the priority. I sat through one of the partner’s calls that Samantha called me in for, but now I’m done. I need to get out of here.

I blow through the building’s front doors and jog down the sidewalk, intent on walking the five blocks home instead of waiting for an Uber. My phone rings when I hit block three and start huffing.

I’m fully ready to boycott work and never answer another call again, but my overworked self was self-aware enough to set a different ringtone for my family and friends. And it’s Nico’s ringtone that’s going off in my pocket.

“What?” I ask, not bothering to hide my breathlessness.

There’s a pause. Then Nico asks, “Why are you panting? What am I interrupting?”

“Nothing. What do you need?”

“Ew, man, you better not be⁠—”

“I’m not,” I snap. “Now what do you need?”

That catches my brother’s attention.

I think he puts me on speaker because he sounds a little farther away when he speaks again. And this time, there’s nothing teasing in his voice.

“We were calling to see if you wanted to try again to schedule a fight night.” We. So Alexander is with him. “But forget that. What’s going on with you? What’s wrong?”

For the first time, my throat tightens with a little bit of desperation. I can’t believe things got this far.

“Nothing. I’m just…having a mid-life crisis.”

I reach the front of my building and storm inside as my brothers remain speechless on the other end of the line.

“In what sense?” Nico asks after a moment.

A heavy exhale rushes out of me as I ride the elevator up. “In the career sense. You guys were right; I need to get out of this job. I don’t know why it took Charli leaving—” My throat tightens again, cutting off my words.

“That’s a big deal, Lucas.” That’s Alexander, surprisingly.

I type in the code on the front door. “So then why does it suddenly feel like not a big deal in comparison to how this feels?”

As soon as I slam the door open, I’m rushing to the guest suite where I’m hoping, praying, Charli will be. I’m ready to fall to her feet and beg for forgiveness. I just need her to be here⁠—

I skid to a halt. She’s not here.

“Fuck,” I spit under my breath as I look around. I have no idea where she might go. Where can I find her?

“Where are you?” Nico asks. “What are you doing right now?”

“I’m home,” I say distractedly as I walk over to the open notebooks on the coffee table. “I thought she would’ve come home, but she’s not here.” Something occurs to me, and I look around with a frown. “Actually, it looks like she did come home. She packed up but left everything here.”

“Why would she do that?” Nico asks.

“I have no idea,” I murmur, turning back to her notebooks.

The notebook on top, the one centered and most prominent on the table, has something circled a few times in red pen.