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Randall’s eyes widen and his spine straightens. “Lucas, I never meant⁠—”

I wave him off. “It’s fine. That’s not what this is about. I’m just setting the scene.”

It takes him a moment, but Randall settles back in his chair and nods, curiosity coming off of him in waves.

“Last time you came in here, you asked me if I was happy. You said you didn’t care about those companies, but that you wanted to make sure I was happy, at the very least. Do you remember that?”

A beat of hesitation, then he nods.

“I wasn’t lying,” I explain. “I like the life this job gives me. I have money, I have status, I have as much flexibility as any lawyer could ask for⁠—”

Randall snorts.

“But lately…I’m wondering if those things even out anymore.”

He studies me, his head tilted. “Explain what you mean by that.”

“I mean, do I even deserve the life this job gives me? Because you—and my brothers, and everyone else who teases me about working with these companies—everyone’s always pointing out that these are not good companies. It’s good work, I stand by that, but…it’s not good clientele. Not anymore.” I wince and drag a hand down my face. “Or maybe it’s never been good clientele, and I’ve just been lying to myself.”

When Randall’s expression becomes sheepish, I mutter a curse under my breath. “That’s what I was afraid of.”

“Lucas, look,” Randall starts, leaning forward to capture my full attention. “No one thinks you’re a bad person. No one. And I never judged you for deciding on contract law and getting into a successful firm like this. Believe me, I see the appeal. It’s just—” He sighs. “I tease because I know you’re a good person. I know how much good you could do on the right side of things.” He pauses, his tone harsher when he continues. “Do you have any idea how much good you could do? Lucas, you’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. The way your mind works…” He shakes his head. “Yes, I’ll admit that some days I wish this lifestyle hadn’t charmed you away from your true potential.”

Fuck. This is exactly what I was afraid of. These are exactly the thoughts I’ve been shoving away to the back of my mind for the past few years, too scared to deal with them.

“Lucas, why do you think we spent so many nights debating ethics in politics when you were in school?” he asks softly. “We could’ve philosophized about anything. But you chose the human experience.”

I fidget with the pen on my desk. “Because I see what unethical policies can do to people,” I murmur. “I see these laws, and these contracts, and I see the struggles they cause.”

“And where do you see the contracts you disagree with?”

I frown, my head snapping up at the question. “In my— Well, in the…”

“In the cases you take on the side,” Randall finishes. “In the cases where your heart really lies. Not the ones that give you a paycheck, but in the ones that you feel passionate about.”

I think about Sean, about the underprivileged kids in the organization with him. I started donating to that charity because it was one I wished would’ve existed when I was a kid.

We weren’t poor poor growing up, just poor enough that I witnessed my parents stressing about money. I don’t think Nico ever noticed it, being three years younger than me, and Alexander was already deployed when the worst of it happened. When Dad lost his job and finances became tighter than they already were. Back then, I had to drop out of the few extracurriculars I had because we couldn’t afford them. A charity like the one I found with Sean would’ve made a big difference to me back then.

So, no, that passion never faded. Randall is right about that.

It just got shoved into an after-hours side gig box instead of consuming my entire being.

I try to imagine what it would even look like to let it consume me. And can’t.

Or maybe I’m just too scared.

“It would be a big life change,” I mutter.

“Huge,” Randall agrees. “No one is saying it would be easy.”

I don’t know how to do this.

“Did something happen to bring all this on?” he asks. “Is there a reason you’d need to make a decision now?”

I let out a tired breath. “No. Not exactly. Recently, my conscience just got…a little louder.”

And goes by the name Charli.