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I shook my head. My mind was spinning so hard it made me dizzy, the buzzing in my ears so loud that I had to concentrate to hear what Nisa was saying. It couldn’t be true. And yet, how could it be this big of a coincidence? “But Dad said she was dead.”

She lifted a hand to stroke my cheek. “But did he ever produce any evidence?”

I shook my head slowly, reality dawning on me.

“I think he made it up, Kerr. When you said you wanted to find your mum, you were old enough that he couldn’t stop you by any means other than making you believe that it was futile, that she was gone. But she wasn’t.”

“Holy shit,” I said, trying to process all of this. The terrible thing was, I could believe it of him. Why had I taken what he’d said at face value rather than questioning his motives? I should have known better.

“I think he also intercepted her letters,” she continued. “Anna says she wrote to you, eventually asking you to come to her when you were old enough. But he must have gotten to the letters first and destroyed them.” She lifted both hands to hold my face and look into my eyes. “She didn’t abandon you, Kerr. She left a horrible, controlling man and wanted to take you with her. But he wouldn’t let her, and then when she said she wouldn’t leave without you, he forced her. He terrified her into staying away and then stopped communications and pretended that she was dead. But she never stopped hoping or looking. She came up once about sixteen years ago, heard that your dad was dead and that you’d gone to Edinburgh. But she had no idea where to start trying to find you there. Then she had a stroke, and when she was diagnosed with dementia, she tried one last time. But she was already unwell with a chest infection when she set off, and she became delirious. It robbed her of the memory of you and where she lived and even what she was doing up here.” She paused to take a breath. “Until today, when she asked for me at work because she had remembered. And I put two and two together.”

I tried to parse my confused thoughts. My heart was pounding, blood rushing so loudly in my ears I could hardly hear myself think. My mum was alive. She hadn’t abandoned me—​not really. It had been him all along; he’d driven her away and prevented me from being with her. Prevented me from reconciling with her. Then lied and told me she was dead and never, ever confessed before he’d died. He was willing to let his deception die with him rather than allow me and my mother to see each other again. The fucking bastard.

All my life this had affected me, poisoned my self-​esteem and relationships. I hoped it had eaten him up inside.

As my mind raced I felt my whole world deconstruct, the pieces falling apart and then knitting back together, but in a different way . . . lighter somehow. Filled with hope. As if a pitch-​black room had suddenly developed a window, sunlight streaming inside and illuminating what was once dark.

I looked at Nisa, this amazing woman who had blasted into my life like a breath of sweet, fresh air and not only made everything better, but had been looking after my mum this whole time, devoting herself to finding her place and putting the world to rights. A smile spread over my face, and I kissed the look of concern on her face right off. “I want to see her,” I told her.

She nodded. “Of course. I told her everything about you. She wanted to come with me to your house, but I thought it best if she stayed at the hospital, and for me to speak to you first. But I can take you there right now.” She paused, looking around the tent. “Right after I find some clothes, that is.”

I laughed. “I’ve got some spare gear in my bag. Let’s get that on you. Then you’ll need to get checked out by the paramedics before we can leave. Greg’s in the van, he called an ambulance.”

Her face fell. “No! Oh God, I’m so embarrassed.” She covered her face with her hands. “And I forgot about poor Greg. He must be out there freezing his arse off right now because I’m hogging the tent.”

I lifted her hands away from her face and gave her a smile. “He’s fine. He’ll have gotten changed in the back of his van.” I raised my eyebrows. “You still haven’t fully explained why you swam out to sea in your scrubs though.”

Her cheeks went pink and it was bloody adorable. “I got it into my head that you were in trouble. In a bad place maybe, if you’d misinterpreted what happened with Drew. Your front door was open and I found your note, and I kind of went into a bit of a spiral . . .”

“Oh, love,” I said, kissing the tip of her nose. “I mean, I was definitely in a bad place all of today. But not like that. I messaged Greg to ask him to meet me here for a swim to clear my head. And I left a note for the cleaner because I’m normally in when she comes, and I told her not to come next week because she’s not needed—​I’m going to be covering for Katie when she’s away for her fortieth. Remember?”

“Crap. I do remember you telling me that. Because I said that—”

“You’d miss me while I was gone,” I finished for her. “In fact, you said that you might miss me so much that you’d come round to see me after work in a sexy Mrs. Claus suit.”

“Hmm. I did say that, didn’t I?” She grinned.

“Yep. And you wouldn’t want to go breaking your Christmas promise now, would you?”

“Absolutely not,” she said as I pulled her into another searing kiss, which continued right up until we heard the wail of the ambulance approaching the beach.

36

Nisa

I GLANCED OVER to look at him again. “You doing okay?”

He was chewing on his bottom lip, staring out of the windshield. “I think so.”

I had insisted on driving over in Millicent. As soon as I’d gotten the all clear from the paramedics, we’d driven home in our separate vehicles so I could get changed out of the massive pair of joggers and hoodie that Kerr had lent me at the beach. Then we’d bundled right into Millicent and set off.

He looked over at me. “And you’ll come in with me? Right in to her bedside, I mean?”

I reached over to take his hand. “Of course I will.”

He squeezed my hand. “And you’ll stay too?”

I nodded, shooting him a reassuring smile.