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“The creatures?” He shrugged. “Perhaps. The riders? Almost certainly.”
I stared. “The riders? What the hell are you talking about?”
Rodriguez looked satisfied. “Ah, I knew that would get your attention.”
“You always had my attention,” I snapped. “I came here looking for answers. As usual, you’re full of the ones I didn’t want.” The list of things Rodriguez knew that I didn’t want to suddenly seemed much larger.
“Your problem is bad, Blake. But it’s not the only problem. We have a bigger one than you being unable to shift on command.”
“It’s more than that, Rodriguez,” I almost shouted. “I fucking killed someone today.”
“Who?”
“Does that really matter? A blightborn. They were threatening Pendragon. He’d … hurt her.”
Rodriguez relaxed slightly. “Justified homicide.”
“Sure, this time. But next?”
“Finally growing a conscience, are we? You’ve killed before, Blake. You didn’t seem to care so much then.”
“That was different.” I clenched my jaw painfully. The difference was I’d known exactly what I was doing. But this time? It was like my body had been taken over. Like thrallweave … but worse. Because the monster was inside me. If Kage was to be believed, he was me.
“There’s no easy solution for your dilemma,” Rodriguez said, sounding impatient. “Time and practice.”
“I’ve had time. I’ve tried to practice. It’s not fucking working,” I hissed. “Tell me something I don’t already know. Teach me, dammit. Otherwise, I could shift in class one day and do a little more damage than to just a single blightborn.”
He looked at me. “Is it really that bad?”
“It’s bad. Really bad.” I rubbed my face. “I want to talk about Marcus. I want to learn about this Veil. I mean, I don’t want to. It sounds like an absolute fucking mess. But I can’t help you with the world’s big problems if I can’t even control my own body and keep from …” I took a deep breath “ … from killing my own consort by accident.”
Rodriguez’s expression turned serious. “Understood.” He looked towards his bookshelf. “But the only answer I have is one you won’t like.”
“Try me.” I suddenly realized Rodriguez’s expression was a little too somber. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?” He was trying to sound innocent, but I fucking knew better.
“Like I’m about to fucking die, Rodriguez.” He was quiet far too long, and so then I knew. “Because I am?” I choked out. “I’m dying?” He looked away. “You knew as soon as I walked in.”
He shook his head. “Not that soon. Suspected. But if it’s as bad as you describe …”
“There’s another being inside of me. And he’s a fucking animal who wants to kill everyone. So yeah, it’s bad.”
Rodriguez sighed. “What you’ve described sounds like soul-splitting.”
“That doesn’t sound good.”
“It’s fairly self-explanatory,” he agreed.
“So, what do I do? How do I fix it?”
He stood up again, walked across the room, and reached for a book high up on the shelf. Even from where I sat, I could tell it was ancient, the black leather cover cracking with age. Yet the tome was a beautiful one—embossed with silver, a serpentine dragon embedded in the center. Rodriguez studied the book, looking faintly amused.
“What’s so funny?” I demanded. “Does that book have the answers or not?”
“Answers? Many. To your problem? It might have one. Will you like it? Decidedly not.”
“Just give me the fucking book, Rodriguez,” I snapped.