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We eat at the island because the table was already sold online. Blaire is still messaging people about the rest of the furniture she’s not bringing.

“Chance is bringing the truck at seven,” she says, not looking up from the screen.

“I can help carry boxes.” Theo says around a mouthful of cheese.

He’s taking this move very easily. He’s been talking nonstop all week about how he’s going to help me and Blaire’s brothers move all the boxes, and how excited he is for Blaire to live at my house with us all the time.

“You can help move all your boxes.” Blaire tells him. “Hurry up and eat so we can pack and get to bed early. We have a busy day tomorrow.” Theo nods and starts stuffing food in his mouth even faster.

“Fucking hell don’t choke.” I say, pulling the taco from his hand so he’ll slow down.

“Language.” Blaire snaps at me, then turns to Theo. “Don’t eat so fast, but don’t play around. Eat normal.” She corrects our very literal four year old.

Theo nods and slows down his eating. It’s still insane to me how quick he’s grown up, just in the past few months even. Of course, it’s always seemed even faster when I only saw him 50% of his life, I’m really looking forward to getting to have him around all the time. Blaire and I have made a lot of progress with learning to coparent simultaneously instead of both of us feeling like we’re clocking in and out of being parents.

After dinner we finish the small stuff. Theo’s toys take twice as long as they should because every dinosaur requires a speech about why it can’t be packed yet. I tape boxes. Blaire labels in that neat teacher handwriting. Theo “helps” by sitting in an empty box and declaring it his new house.

I start getting him ready for bed at eight. Blaire’s in her room, working on all the last minute things that haven’t been packed yet.

He lasts twelve minutes in bed before he’s calling for me and asking for water.

“I can go-,” Blaire says, already starting to set aside the sweaters she’s packing.

“I got him.” I say, nudging her back into the closet while I head out to the hall. “You focus on this, I’ll handle him.”

I get him a cup of water, read him another story, tuck him back in, and go back to help Blaire. Not even twenty minutes later, Theo’s calling again. His closet door is closed and he wants it open so he can see there’s no monsters in it. Then he needs to go potty, then he needs one more hug and cuddle before bed.

I barely even get back to Blaire before I hear him sniffling in the doorway behind me.

This time he doesn’t even have an excuse. He just appears in the hallway, red-faced and glassy eyed.

“I can’t sleep.” He sniffles.

I sigh and cross back over to him, picking him up and tucking him against my chest. I take him into the hall, closing Blaire’s door behind us so she can focus. I walk up and down the hall, rocking him in my arms and rubbing his back the way I did when he was a newborn and wouldn’t sleep. It feels surreal to be back in this very apartment, rocking my son to sleep in this very hallway, so his mother can have time to herself. Except this time there’s not the weight in my chest of not knowing how to be a good father and coparent, and I’m not wrecked with guilt thinking I ruined Blaire’s life.

It takes a while, but he finally goes slack against me, and I tuck him back into his bed carefully so he doesn’t wake, taking a minute to just watch him. He’s freckles are getting more prominent as he gets older, making him look a bit less like me and a bit more like Blaire. Especially when he’s asleep and his features look softer like hers. My heart stirs with an urge I haven’t really ever felt. I want another. I want the chance to do it better. Right. To be there for the pregnancy the way I should have been with Theo, to be there more than just physically to help Blaire with a newborn. To celebrate bringing a new life into this world instead of feeling like I just doomed us all.

Us moving in together is a step in that direction. Next is proposing, the ring already tucked away in a new hiding spot so Blaire wouldn’t stumble upon it while moving in. I need to find time tomorrow to talk to Chance about getting his help to propose. I watch over Theo for another second, soaking in what feels like the closing of one chapter—he last night in the apartment he started his life in—before I stand and silently leave the room, slowly closing the door behind me so it doesn’t creek and wake him.

I ease Blaire’s door open as quietly as I can and slip inside.

“He’s finally out.” The relief in my voice is embarrassing. I close the door behind me until it clicks.

Blaire jumps like I caught her committing a felony. She shoves something deep into a box so fast her shoulder hits the cardboard.

“What was—”

“Nothing!”

She’s already defensive and I haven’t even finished the question.

I raise a brow. “Then why are you being weird?”

“I’m not.” She plants herself between me and the box like she’s guarding state secrets.

“What’s in there, sweet girl?”

I can’t imagine Blaire having anything worth hiding. She’s never been the type. I cross the room anyway, slow, because the look on her face is doing something stupid to my pulse.