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Jamie rolls her eyes so hard I'm surprised she doesn't hurt herself. “Hun, I saw those text messages. 'I fucked up Blaire?'” She raises an eyebrow. “I'd be willing to bet a lot of money that wasn't about Veronica.”

That actually makes me laugh. “Okay, maybe you've had too much wine already.”

“I'm serious.”

“Jamie.” I give her a blank stare. “He definitely wasn't referring to us. If anything, it was about getting into a relationship with Veronica.”

She takes other sip of wine and gives me a look over the rim of her glass. “Blaire, I love you. But sometimes you can be unbelievably stupid.”

I groan.

“Why can’t you just accept that he still loves you?” Jamie asks quietly.

I stare into my wine. “Because if I accept that he still loves me, I have to also accept that loving me has never been enough to make him choose me.”

The room goes completely silent.

“He could've said he wasn't ready. He could've asked for more time. He could've had a conversation with me. I loved him enough that if he'd asked me to wait longer, I would've.” I swallow. “But he didn't. He walked away.”

“Oh, honey.” Jamie moves from her chair to the couch beside me and wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me against her side. “And he has spent the last four years proving to you that he can be present. And steady. And dependable.”

“As a co-parent,” I say stubbornly.

I pull away from her grip and drag a throw pillow into my lap instead, hugging it to my chest.

“As a person,” Jamie counters immediately. “Can you honestly sit there and tell me Simon hasn't changed since he was twenty-one?”

“No,” I admit.

“Can you tell me he hasn't matured?”

“No.”

“Can you tell me he hasn't spent the last four years showing up?”

I stare at the floor. “No.”

It's one of the reasons this is all so hard. If Simon had stayed the same reckless twenty-one-year-old who walked away from me, I think I would've gotten over him years ago. Instead, I got to watch him become the man I'd always dreamed of him turning into.

"He is a really good dad," I say.

"He's a really good man."

"Okay," I say quietly. "Maybe he has changed."

Jamie looks unbearably pleased with herself.

I groan and throw a pillow at her.

She laughs and nudges my shoulder. "So what's the problem?"

I stare down into my wine. “He has a girlfriend.”

“A girlfriend he's clearly miserable with.”

“That's not the point.”

Jamie sighs dramatically.