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Thatcher lifted my hand to his lips and kissed the ugly scars before he kissed the tear tracks on my face. “The first thing you’re going to do is take a few breaths. I’m going to get you an appointment with the psychologist we use at the fire department. She’s had a lot of experience dealing with folks who have been injured. She’s dealt with survivor’s guilt, body-image disturbance due to scars, and any number of other things that can plague someone who has suffered events beyond their control. You don’t need to just heal the physical injuries. You have to address the mental and emotional injuries as well.”
My PT had asked if I was seeing a shrink, and I’d lied and said yes. Maybe it was time I actually made it a truth?
“Have you ever gone to a psychiatrist?”
Thatcher chuckled. “More times than I can count. When we have a fire with casualties, or someone at the station gets hurt, we all take a turn on the couch. We have to be reminded that we’re not superheroes, and sometimes, things are out of our control. It helps us get our minds straight before we go into another big fire. There is no shame in looking after your mental health.”
I sighed. He did have a point. With everything we’d gone through surrounding the accident, we should have agreed to go to therapy as a group and individually. I wouldn’t fight it anymore.
“You’re right. We all fought going to therapy, but if you think your doctor would take us on, I’ll talk them into it.”
Thatcher kissed my forehead. “I’ll get right on it. What else is bothering you?”
I really needed to come clean with him about my worries regarding our relationship. I’d put up a wall, and he knew it, but I couldn’t live with the uncertainty anymore.
“I’m afraid you’ll ask me to leave because I’m such a mess. I mean, after that night when you let me use your toy, you haven’t tried to touch me. You haven’t invited me to sleep with you or asked me to touch you. If you’re not attracted to me, please tell me, and I’ll leave. It’s not like I don’t have money to get my own place. I just like being around you, but if I’m keeping you from finding—”
Thatcher put his index and middle fingers over my lips to stop me from talking. “God, Jordan. I’m crazy about you, but I don’t want to take advantage of you. You’re in a very vulnerable spot right now, and I’d be a real bastard to try to push you to do things when I’m not sure if you’d do them out of a sense of obligation because we live together.”
I pressed my lips to the pads of his fingers and spoke against them. “I want you, Thatcher, very much. Making that audio clip for you was the sexiest thing I’ve ever done. You said you liked it, and I’ve waited for you to show me how you feel about me.”
Thatcher smiled. “And you can’t tell me what you want or need? Honey, I can’t read your mind. Don’t get mad, but you seem to want to roll into a ball and disappear when I only look at you. I ask you what’s wrong all the time, and you say nothing. I don’t know how to drag information out of you. Let’s make a pact that going forward, we’ll talk about these things so the other person doesn’t have to guess, okay?”
My face heated, and Thatcher chuckled. “My favorite blush. Do you know how many times I’ve fantasized about making love to you and seeing that shade of pink on your face?”
I gasped. “Why didn’t you tell me that before?”
“You told me you lean toward being demisexual. You need a connection before the attraction comes. I’m not sure how you define connection, Jordan. Like I said, I won’t force myself on you. I need you to show me what you’re—”
Instead of putting my fingers over his lips, I put my lips there. I swept my tongue over his bottom lip, and they parted to allow his tongue to come out and play. He traced the inside of my mouth and sucked on my tongue the way I wish he’d suck on my cock.
I’d been hard since he pulled me into his lap, and just as I was about ready to straddle him, the door opened. “Hey, don’t fuck out here. This is a shared space. Are you coming back? We’re ready to get back to it if you are, JD.” River smirked before he went back inside.
“I guess they listened to you. I listened too. Let’s take this up again when we get home, okay?”
I was all for that.
I picked up my brace, fastened it around my wrist and hand, and Thatcher led me back into the studio. I couldn’t wait to finish so we could go home.
Chapter Sixteen
Thatcher
I sat quietly on a stool in the corner of the studio with my eyes fixed on Jordan. The song, “Heroes,” was the one the band had played acoustically at the beach when we all got together for the first time. It was rocking a lot more than it had at the beach, and I noticed Jordan’s fingers on his right hand were moving in time with the bassline while his injured left hand was in the air and closed into a fist.
The man had music in his blood, and I couldn’t imagine how he’d give it up. I hoped to hell his hand wasn’t a factor in his decision to stay or leave the band. Giving up the band because of the bus wreck added insult to injury.
Goldie’s voice caressed the high notes, and everyone banged their heads when River rocked the guitar solo before the second verse. They slowed for the bridge before blasting back into the chorus. It was amazing to hear and see.
The sound engineer held up his hand as the final chords were played, and after Skylar crashed the cymbals one final time, the engineer punched a button in front of him and stood from the soundboard to clap over his head.
Arlo and Goldie jumped into each other’s arms and then began a sexy kiss, which had Tony laughing as he began putting his bass in the case. Sky stood from behind the drums and walked around the platform, hugging River and JD, who seemed stunned.
Lerner tore into the studio and cheered with everyone. “Say it with me,” they shouted.
“That’s a wrap!” They all shouted in unison, jumping up and down in glee.
I laughed as I watched them celebrate. Jordan extricated himself from the group and came over to me, wrapping his arms around my neck as Kool & the Gang’s “Celebration” began blasting through the speakers in the studio and everyone started dancing.
