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Three dots appear on the screen and remain blinking for a long time. He’s writing an essay, so I put the phone back face down and sip my wine, eat some cheese, stare out at the view, and do my best to let this bath wash away my worries. When I do pick the phone back up, there’s a wall of text.

Matiu

I’m not going to lie, the first thought through my head when I picked up Scott’s scent that day and you said he was also your scent match was ‘are you fucking kidding me?’

By that point in time the rift between Scott and I was deep. It had gotten to a point where I didn’t know how to repair things with him and I told myself I didn’t want to anyway.

Which was a lie I’d told myself for a long, long time, and that became very apparent when I spoke to him on the phone. You were still asleep in my bed, and I spent the hour after that phone call just staring into space and trying to grapple with the reality that I really missed having him as my friend and that I know he’s my pack mate.

I don’t know if you’ve experienced the same thing, because it’s separate from scent matches. He’s not my scent match, but I just know he’s mine. Not in a sexual way. Him and I don’t need that from each other. So I suppose I owe you thanks as well because you brought Scott and I back together.

But getting back to this very long-winded explanation… It felt really shit to lose Scott the first time. Everyone thinks I was grieving the relationship with Elaine, and that was part of it, but it wasn’t the only thing.

That’s why I wanted to avoid you thinking negatively of Scott, or me, for what Scott and I had been through. Scott and I needed time to repair the relationship between the two of us, to see if it was even feasible.

The dots continue as he types even more.

That probably makes me sound even worse.

I wasn’t using you. I was falling in love with you at the same time.

A whine slips free from my throat, and I’m glad there’s no one around to witness it.

It makes you sound human

Don’t stress

I’m very stressed, babe.

I’m stressed as fuck because all I want in life is for all of my people to be happy.

Amo

Scott

You

Right now I’ve only got 1/3 sorted and she’s a teenager so she’s sorted for a day, and tomorrow there’ll no doubt be some new drama going on.

I stare out at the view again, watching one of the jet boats full of tourists zoom through the shallow river, and consider what to do next.

I’m telling you not to stress about me, okay?

Take that as you will.

Okay boss

I send him a photo of my current view.

I’m in the bath right now. Thank you for the suggestion. It’s really lovely here.

I wish you were here, I type. I stare at it for a moment, then hold the backspace button down.

unknown number

Kia ora, arohamai, I know this is out of the blue. This is Amokura, Matiu’s daughter. I stole my dad’s phone and grabbed your number so I could message you privately. I know it’s your business and I want to be respectful of that but I just wanted to say that my dad is a great guy. I know I’m totally biased, but I seriously think he’s amazing and I overheard him telling my uncles about you and how he fucked up, so I wanted to put in a good word for him. Ngā mihi

Lizzie