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The door swings open.

Screams flood in.

PART ONE

GRIT

CANNED GOOD DIVA: RECIPES TO MAKE EVERYONE STOP COMPLAINING

BY EDITH RUSSO

CORN-POCALYPSE CHOWDER

Ingredients:

1 can of creamed corn

1 can of evaporated milk

A pack of jerky (chopped up small)

Instructions:

Dump the corn and milk into a pot and give it a good stir. Heat with whatever is left of your emergency candles. Try not to judge it too harshly at first. We are all doing our best out here, even the canned goods.

Once mixed well, add the jerky pieces. It will take a while, so settle in and pretend you are hosting a cozy dinner instead of cooking in the middle of the apocalypse.

Serve warm, or at least warm-adjacent.

Tell everyone it’s gourmet chowder. Say it with confidence. People are much more likely to believe you when you use your fancy voice.

END-OF-DAYS DIP

Ingredients:

1 can of refried beans

1 can of cheese sauce

A handful of whatever you can dip (chips, jerky, crackers, stale bread, or a spoon if we’re being honest with ourselves)

Instructions:

Mix the beans and cheese sauce in a pot. Heat over an open flame until it bubbles and looks like something we might have eaten at a party before the world went belly-up.

Gather everyone around and pretend this is a celebration.

Not a collapse-of-society celebration, mind you. More of a “look at us, still finding reasons to eat melted cheese together” celebration.

Serve with whatever you have on hand.

Important note: Keep an eye on sneaky fingers. I am all for sharing, but I am also an old woman with an injury and a very limited amount of cheese. Boundaries matter.

To-do: Need to find other items that will relieve the itchy spots under cast. Straws are not cutting it. Neither are pencils, pens, or forks. The fork was not my finest moment. Do NOT let Trish find out.

ONE

THAT WAS JUST THE OPENING?