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Me

I paid him to be there. His name is Chaz.

Best Bear

It’s weird how close you are

Chuck

Me

He goes by Chaz with his friends, Will

Best Bear

This is working what you’re doing right now.

I’m waiting for my bag wondering if you know Chuck from Delaware who is going to CA to finally meet the girl he’s been talking to online.

Me

How do you think I set it up? It’s taken me months. So much WoW chat sex. Ask him what his name is on there

Spoiler Alert: it’s Thalorien Moonshade.

Best Bear

If you’re fucking with me say something before I run this guy down in the terminal and we end up breaking two hearts today

Me

Do it. Yell if you have to. Tell him you have an urgent message from Gertha Ironbeard.

The AMA went long, but I was delighted when I checked my phone again.

Best Bear

I’m pretty sure Chuck just reported me to TSA.

We’d agreed to FaceTime tomorrow, so I shut my laptop and plugged my phone into the charger, setting it down next to The Note.

I was standing in the shower, letting hot water wash the day away, when the solution occurred to me.

Has found me in my towel grabbing tongs from the grill.

“I’m going to steam it open in the shower,” I said. “He’s delusional if he thinks I’ll be cute and wait seven months, and I’d be delusional if I didn’t assume the worst in terms of the contents right now.”

He nodded. “Could be poop.”

I balked at him. What is wrong with you?

When it started to unfold in the shower steam, it looked like nothing was even in there. Ugh!

“Wait, wait. Is that part of a word?” Has was getting excited. “Lou! Is it invisible ink??”

Oh my god, this is the best thing that has ever happened to me! A secret message to decode? A treasure map?

“We need a heat source, Dr. Malik! Go get your marijuana paraphernalia satchel.”