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“I’d like to see you try.”

***

I showered at the barn but showered again after returning home from the bar out of habit. DeAndre’s mom, Kelly, had strict rules about getting into bed in our “street clothes,” and we wouldn’t dare lie under the comforter without showering first.

I propped myself up against the headboard and opened the Sugar Rush app, ignoring the never-ending IG message notifications. I spent the next thirty minutes completing my profile, agreeing to a background check, and submitting my financials. I was given access to swipe through the selection of women; however, I couldn’t contact any of them until my background and financial check cleared.

“Where are you, Vera?” I mumbled as I swiped. An hour had passed, and I’d nearly given up when I found her. “Shit,” I whispered when my dick started reacting just from the sight of her. She was gorgeous. Her lips were so plump and juicy that I wanted to take a bite out of them. I thought her lips were her moneymaker until I met her almond-shaped eyes. They were equally intense and captivating, leaving me with the confusing urge to look away and stare. Her thin braids were pulled into a bun at the top of her head, leaving her slender neck and the Van Cleef necklace on display. It was a power move on her part, letting her potential suitors know that her time didn’t come cheap.

I don’t mind because I understand the rules. You have to pay to play, and so far, Vera is worth every penny, and I haven’t even gotten to her bio yet.

“Let’s see what you have to say, Vera,” I said, scanning her profile.

Hello,

If you’re looking for a woman to fix your self-esteem and inadequacy issues, then I’m not her—get a therapist.

If you’re looking to waste my time complaining about your ex-wife who took the kids, your gerbil Petunia, the summer house in Barbados, half your assets, and traded up to her personal trainer, then I’m not her—get a therapist.

If you’re a red-piller, then I’m your worst nightmare.

If your entire identity is wrapped in politics and religion, then stay away from me.

If you haven’t had a wellness check in two years, then you don’t care about yourself. Sorry.

My price is my price. We won’t be haggling over cat.

If I find out you have a girlfriend, fiancée, or wife, I’ll send her screenshots. I don’t care if you’re going through a divorce. If you’re still LEGALLY married, keep it moving.

It’s fine if you have children, but I’m not meeting them, and I’m not playing stepmommy.

If you’re still here, then I’m assuming none of the above applies to you, and money isn’t an issue. My name is Vera, and I’m 21. I’m a Biochemistry major in my final year. I’m here because I need money for school. With that being said, my education is my priority, so it’s crucial that we’re a good match for each other. Why waste my time and your money?

My idea of a perfect date is attending a jazz club or a sporting event. I am a beer enthusiast and enjoy reading thrillers. I’m also very passionate about music and staying fit.

I am open to sex, but that isn’t a guarantee. If I’m not attracted to you or you’re a piece of shit, then I’m not sleeping with you. If you’re looking for a prostitute, then there are plenty walking around on Aurora Avenue. They are in miniskirts and fishnets—you can’t miss them.

WE WILL GET TESTED AND SHARE OUR RESULTS.

If we are sleeping together, then it must be exclusively. I am on birth control, and if for some reason that birth control fails, I will be aborting the fetus, and you can’t convince me otherwise. We are not in a loving relationship; we are in a companionship.

What you can expect from me:

Discretion – I don’t want my business in the streets.

Exclusivity – I’m yours.

Stress-free Fun.

Engaging Conversations.

Effective Communication.

No Drama.

If you’ve made it this far and I haven’t sent you running to the PickMeishas, then hit me up. Oh, and no refunds, and don’t fall in love with me.

A slow smile crept across my face and grew wider when I saw her fee. Twenty-five thousand upfront and $5,000.00 a week, plus travel expenses, would run me about $200,000.00.