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“I’m going to call it a night,” I said, biting the inside of my lip to stop myself from crying.

“But Luci, it’s still so early,” Ivy said. “Are you not feeling good?”

“That’s right,” I said. “Headache.” And this awful pressure in my chest.

Grant stared at his boots. Jack looked concerned, putting his hand on my shoulder.

“Let’s get you home then,” Jack said. “Do you want me to call an Uber?”

“I’ll do it,” Grant said. “And I’ll go with her. Back to the ranch, that is.”

“Yes, don’t let me ruin your night,” I said to Jack.

“As long as you’re sure?” Jack asked.

“It’s no problem,” Grant said. “I’m happy to keep her company.”

“Thanks so much,” Jack said. “You’re the best.”

We said goodnight to Ivy and Jack. I grabbed my purse and out we headed into the frigid night like two people betting on a doomed horse.

11

GRANT

Neither of us said a word the entire fifteen minutes it took to get from Blue Fern back to the ranch. God help me that silence was the loudest, most painful sound I’d ever heard in my life.

We walked together from the parking lot to Luci’s cabin, still not talking. When we reached her door, she fumbled for her keys in her bag for what felt like an hour. Finally, she got the key in the door and pushed it open, turning back to say goodnight. But she didn’t have the chance because I stepped closer. She backed up. I kept coming for her. Until I was inside, kicking the door closed behind us with the heel of my boot.

Then I had my arms around her, and she came up on her toes to meet me. I pushed her against the wall, completely lost as my mouth captured hers. Any will power was a thing of the past. Consequences no longer mattered. I had to have her. Had to feel her skin next to mine. Had to show her how much I loved her.

“Tell me to go,” I said against her mouth.

“No. Stay. Please, Grant.”

A sound came from somewhere deep in my throat. She had her hands on my jacket, tugging at the zipper but then changed her mind and ripped her own jacket off instead, letting it fall to the floor. Mine went with it. We backed into the little table by the door, and the lamp wobbled and a phone charger went over the edge, but we didn’t stop to put anything right. She pulled me onto the bed and onto her. My elbow hit something hard. I stopped kissing her to see what it was and saw that it was our movies, all lined up at the bottom of the bed. With one quick movement, I swept them off the bed, vaguely aware that they scattered across the floor.

And then, for a while I didn’t think about anything but the woman in my arms.

I woke in the middle of the night, disoriented for a moment until I remembered where I was and with whom. I reached for Luci but found only a cold space where her body had been. Sitting up, I peered into the dark room and found her shadow on the floor. As my eyes adjusted to seeing with only the aid of the night light, I could see her more clearly. She sat cross-legged and before her were the stack of DVDs that I tossed to the floor earlier.

“Luci? What’re you doing? It’s cold. Come back to bed.”

“I was just putting our movies back in order.” Her voice sounded small and scared. “None of them broke. Just one case has a crack in it.”

I got out of bed and joined her on the floor. The cabin was freezing this time of night. I noticed Luci was wearing my flannel shirt, but I had nothing but my shorts on. “Hey, now, what’s all this? For real?”

“I couldn’t sleep. Thinking about us.”

“Okay. Let’s talk. But please can we get back into bed? My teeth are starting to chatter.”

She gave me her hand and we both stood. At the bed, I pulled back the duvet and she slipped inside first, with me following. I lay on my back and brought her to my chest, kissing the top of her head. I understood why she couldn’t sleep. I’d made a mess of this.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s just you, Luci Wilder. I can’t get enough of you.”

She buried her face into my chest. “Same.” I felt dampness on my skin. She was crying. Great. I’d made the woman I love cry. Because of my clumsiness. I’d allowed myself to jump into the mess instead of carefully, systematically avoiding doing so.

“We have this month,” I said. “To understand what this truly is and how much we want to give up to have it.”