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I took hold of it, one hand on each end.
Jack lifted his chin, like a kid, which made me smile.
My hand worked without much direction needed. I’d tied a thousand of them in my day, carefully moderated by my dear old dad. Wide end on the right, with good inches to spare. Cross, up through, down, around and through the neck loop down the front. I made it snug just under the knot and then placed it up and under his collar. I smoothed the collar joints down and stepped back to admire my work.
“That thing won’t loosen until you’re ready,” I said.
“How do you know how to do that?” Jack asked. “I can’t recall you ever wearing a tie. Other than today.”
“Just another one of my father’s obsessions. All men should know how to fasten a necktie. Tells you something about his character. The usual with him.”
“I’m glad he’s not here.”
“He wasn’t invited. Won’t be to mine either,” I said.
And suddenly, I was out of my body, imagining Luci walking down the aisle toward me. She would make a beautiful bride. And I knew it then. She would be my bride. No one else’s. I had to do what was right by her before I lost her forever.
“I don’t think you’ll need to worry about inviting him to your wedding anytime soon,” Jack said, chuckling. “You went kind of pale at just the mention of nuptials. Still dedicated to bachelorhood, huh?”
“That’s not it.” My eyes stung. I could barely swallow.
Jack’s smile disappeared. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“I have something to say, but it’s hard.”
“You can say anything to me.”
“Even on your wedding day?” I asked.
“I’m here for you, always. You know that.”
“You say that, but maybe not.” I didn’t even take another breath before blurting out, “It’s Luci. I’m in love with her. I fell in love with her that Thanksgiving I spent with your family. But I cut off contact after that weekend. I hoped my feelings would go away, like it was just a proximity thing. I was wrong. She’s the only one I thought about, all this time. Then seeing her—it all came rushing back. She’s the one I want, Jack. We’ve been sneaking around all month because I’ve been too chicken to tell you.”
Jack was the one to go pale now, staggering slightly until he reached the edge of the bed, where he sat, staring at me. “What did you say?”
“I love your sister. And I know it probably means you’ll hate me and probably throw me out of the band but I have to tell you the truth. I’ve hurt her with my silence, and that’s the last thing I want on earth. Even more than I want to stay in the band.”
He flinched, then tugged on his tie, which didn’t loosen. My knot was too perfectly done. “You and Luci? Together? All month?”
“Pretty much.” My stomach burned as if I’d just poured acid down my throat.
“Luci?” He looked genuinely lost. “You’re in love with Luci?”
“We’re in love, actually,” I said.
Jack’s cheeks had returned to a rosy shade of pink. “And why did you think you couldn’t tell me?”
“Because you forbade it. You said it the first time she ever came to meet the band. Ten years ago. After she left and Knox commented on how pretty she was and how come she got all the looks in the family, kind of joking. You got all red and told us to keep our hands off your baby sister or there would be severe consequences. Off-limits. That’s what you said.”
He looked down at his lap for a moment, clearly trying to find the memory. When he looked back up I could see that he’d been successful. “I did say that. I remember now.” He paused for a second, shaking his head. “You’ve been hiding how you feel about my sister because of what I said ten years ago?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, first of all, I was mostly talking to Knox because he was a dog back then and I didn’t want him anywhere near my twenty-year-old sister. She was still a kid and we weren’t. But now she’s an adult. A doctor, for heaven’s sake. Even if I wanted to, I have no right to say anything to her about who she chooses.”
“That’s not how she sees it.”
“You and Luci have been hiding this from me? That must have taken its toll.”
