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I avert my gaze, playing with my eyelashes. “A year.”
“A year? Since the accident?” Mom squeezes our interlocked hands.
“Honey, why didn’t you tell us?” I lower my head. Fuck, I knew they were going to be disappointed.
“You were all grieving. I—I didn’t want to saddle you with my problems.”
“Saddle us with your problems? Honey, you’re our son. That is exactly what you’re supposed to do.”
“I’m sorry, you guys were doing better. I didn’t want to make it worse.”
“Nothing you do could make it worse. We’re all grieving, but that doesn’t mean you need to grieve alone.” Dad leans over the dining table, patting my arm.
“Son, is that why you have been so distant lately, so we wouldn’t know you were suffering?” My head drops to the table. A hand strokes my back, moving gently up and down. I count to ten in my head, then raise my head again. God, I hate this. I hate hearing their saddened voices. I never meant to hurt them. That’s the only thing I didn’t want to do. It’s why I have been so distant, so they wouldn’t have to worry about me. But apparently I failed to do that.
“I didn’t want you guys to worry.”
“Carson, bud, we have all been worrying, but we didn’t want to pressure you,” Killian says from beside, his hand moving continuously.
“We just—we didn’t know how to bring it up. You seem to be doing fine at work and—”
“I am fine at work. Work is one of the only things keeping me sane right now. But when I’m at home, my dreams are plagued with nightmares. I keep seeing them sitting there, lifeless.”
“Oh, honey. We had no idea.” Soft kisses are pressed to the palm of my hand.
“What are we doing about it?” Connor asks, who had been significantly quiet until now.
“Yeah, we need to make a plan,” Mom says.
“I’m staying at Alexis’s house.” The voices in the room fall silent. “She’s helping me,” I continue ignoring the surprised glances.
“You told her?” Killian’s voice is laced with hurt. It pierces right through my heart. Fuck I’m a terrible friend.
“No, she noticed it herself. I had a panic attack in her presence when the thunderstorm hit.”
“That’s why you two disappeared from the dinner?”
“Yeah, she took me home. I told her about everything. She’s easy to talk to, you know? She’s been through the same thing. She had sleep struggles too after her brother died. It took her years before she was able to sleep through the night, so she’s helping me, since I only sleep when she’s near.”
“You can sleep when she’s near?” Mom sounds surprised and confused. I scratch the back of my head, hating all the attention I’m getting. “Yeah, I think it has to do with the fact that she knows what I’m going through. All the worries in my head disappear.”
“You don’t—” Connor stops halfway through, giving Killian a glance that isn’t reciprocated. He’s either ignoring him, or he simply doesn’t notice it. “You don’t think it has to do with something else.”
I furrow my brows. Something else? What is he talking about?
“What do you mean something else?”
He shakes his head, his face blank. “Nothing, it doesn’t matter. You’ll find out sooner or later.”
“What do you—” I stop myself from asking the question. I know he won’t answer it anyway.
“Oh, and by the way, Alexis is joining us at the beach.”
Chapter Nine
Alexis
When is the right time to tell the person who’s taking you to the beach and will see you half naked that you’re covered in scars?
