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16

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Friends

A coughing fit snapped Leaf out of his daze, and the habitual reach for his cigarettes brought him back to the deserted living room. The candles had burned down. Only the dim light in the corner glowed in the darkness. Tristan was nowhere to be found.

Struggling to sit up, Leaf stuck a cigarette into the corner of his mouth and shuffled—without lighting it—into the kitchen. He grabbed a beer and greedily drank it down in big gulps, reveling in the coldness of the open fridge against his sweaty body. When he returned to the living room with the bottle and saw Tristan’s black notebook from a distance, he paused. On the floor, he spotted the book about the Blackfoot.

Oh no …

He immediately set the beer down and went into the bedroom. The bed was empty, but the closet door was slightly ajar.

That damn book. Why didn’t I get rid of it yet?

Curled up, he found Tristan sitting in the closet, arms crossed on his knees, head buried within. He was shaking all over, as if he were freezing. Leaf knelt down and reached out his hand to him. But something held him back from touching Tristan.

“Tris,” he whispered.

Tristan slowly lifted his head and blinked at him with teary eyes and trembling lips.

“Come.” Leaf gently placed his hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay.”

Tristan always said that, but Leaf knew better. “No. Come.” He helped him up and supported him. Tristan struggled to stand, and Leaf wondered how long he had been in that position. Wrapping his arm around Tristan’s shoulder, he led him to the bed. “Lie down.”

With sluggish movements, Tristan climbed onto the mattress and crawled to the pillow. He grabbed Leaf’s forearm. “Don’t go.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Leaf replied, turning on the ceiling fan.

“Go to the basement,” Tristan whispered. “Hide in the closet.”

“I know.”

Anxiously, Tristan flinched. “Don’t go. Please.”

Leaf didn’t want to go either. He was right where he wanted to be. With Tristan. Despite all his resolutions, he lay down beside him and held him in his arms. Tristan clung to him tightly, pressing his forehead to his shoulder and breathing heavily. Leaf felt almost paralyzed by the closeness to him, remembering the time before he had made himself guilty.

Tenderly, he stroked Tristan’s temple, cheek, and neck. The black curls flopped in every direction, making it almost impossible for Leaf to see Tristan’s beautiful face. At least he seemed to be calming down. Tension left his arm, no longer clinging to Leaf as if he were a lifebuoy. Tristan had fallen asleep.

For a while, he watched him, caressing Tristan’s wet cheek with his thumb as he pushed his curls back. It was an open secret between them that he knew about Tristan’s demons—Milo had told him everything. Tristan had once confessed to him that he was glad about this; so it meant he didn’t have to do it himself.

Leaf snuggled closer to Tristan and held him protectively in his arms for a while.

How could he have made such resolutions? He loved Tristan too much to stay away from him. Tristan needed him, and he needed Tristan.

While it had taken him a bit longer, Tristan had known it from day one. Even Milo had been faster than him. But during the last tour, he had suddenly realized that he had fallen head over heels in love with Tristan.

I’ll take down Diego and tell Tristan the truth.

He deserves nothing less.

The fear that Tristan wouldn’t want to see him again after his confession took his breath away. Only when Tristan made a soft sound did he notice how tightly he was holding him. He released the embrace and made sure everything was okay.

Tristan slept peacefully, looking relaxed. Leaf kissed him on the head and tiptoed out of the room, leaving the door slightly ajar. As he stepped onto the balcony, he breathed in the fresh night air. He gazed into the darkness of the woods, listening to the cicadas, the rustling leaves, and the distant hum of cars on the freeway. Eventually, he picked up the acoustic guitar, lit a cigarette, and played some blues.

It was half-past ten when a car parked on the street above. Shortly after, José came down the wooden jetty and climbed the stairs to the balcony. It wasn’t unusual for him to come by so late; even bringing a paper bag was completely normal. Still, Leaf shook his head in disbelief. He didn’t understand how he deserved such a friend who honestly cared about him. But it was also annoying when José showed up unannounced like this and brought food every time.