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“Everybody’s here,” he reports, satisfied, to no one.
Everybody’s here.
The band comes up, the room stands, and I spend the first song doing what I’ve done every Sunday since I met her, which is fail to pay attention.
Because I keep catching it out of the corner of my eye. The way Bo, who does not love the loud part of worship, leans a little toward Olivia when the volume climbs, and the way she notices without being told, and shifts so her shoulder’s there for him. And then she looks down at him and smiles. Over and over, all through the singing, this woman who two weeks ago told me kids weren’t for her, looking down at my son like he’s the best thing in the room.
Bo glances up at her. Then over at me. Then back at her. Checking. Making sure we’re both still here. And every time, he settles a little more.
I don’t hear a word of the sermon. I’ve made my peace with that. I’ll catch the replay later.
After the service the whole church empties out into the field behind the building, where the fall fest has been setting up since dawn. Bounce house, hay bales, a line of food trucks, four hundred people I mostly know, kids everywhere, somebody’s smoker going, the worship team tuning up by the pavilion. New Chapter does not do anything small.
Bo’s got a fistful of my sleeve before we’re out the doors.
“Kids zone! There’s a thing where you throw the beanbag and if you win you get a duck. I want the duck. Dad! The duck!”
“Okay, buddy, let’s go get your duck.” I start to steer him toward the games, already doing the math on how long the kids zone buys me, when a hand lands on my shoulder.
Dottie.
“I’ve got him,” she says.
“Dottie, you don’t have to...”
“I’ve got him.” She says it like it’s already decided. She lifts Bo’s hand off my sleeve and into her own, easy, then looks up at me and tips her head, just slightly. “You focus on her.”
And then she’s gone, marching my son toward the duck, and I’m standing in a field with the whole day suddenly, deliberately, cleared.
Dottie Baker does not miss an opening.
I turn around, and there’s Olivia.
And she looks a little lost.
Not unhappy. Just overwhelmed. Her arms are crossed loose over herself, and she’s smiling at the people who say hi, doing it well, but I know her face by now, and her face is counting exits.
I walk over and put myself between her and the biggest part of the crowd, on purpose, and I watch her shoulders come down half an inch just from that.
“Hey.” I catch her eye and hold it, and I let a little of what I’m feeling into my voice, because today’s the day and I’m done pretending it isn’t. “Come on. Let’s go get some apple cider.”
“Apple cider,” she repeats, like a life raft.
I tip my head toward the far edge of the field, fewer people. “Away from most of these people, too, which I’m guessing is the actual selling point.”
“Yeah,” she says. “Cider. Please.”
I hold out my hand.
She looks at it for a second. The whole church behind us. My grandmother forty feet away pretending to help my son throw beanbags while she watches this exact moment out of the corner of her eye.
Then Olivia takes my hand.
And we go get apple cider.
The cider is as good as promised, and the far edge of the field is exactly as empty as I said, and for a few minutes it’s just the two of us with paper cups warming our hands, standing under a big oak at the edge of the event.
She’s got the color back in her face and she’s telling me about her day with Bo and I’m watching her mouth and not really listening, and thinking I’d trade every calm, empty corner in the world for the specific quiet of standing next to this woman.