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What the Smut?

Page 53

by C. Hallman

I don’t know what I was hoping for. Some big, epic apology? A moment of clarity where these two lunkheads could finally see past their own crap for a little while? A miracle, in other words?

I’m just as frustrated as ever as we head out to Adrian’s SUV early in the morning. I mean, would I be glad if I didn’t have to set eyes on Theo after last night’s embarrassment? Sure. It was only slightly humiliating to be caught like that. Not exactly a memory I will look back on with any fondness.

That doesn’t mean I want to leave the ranch without him. “What did I expect?” I whisper as my heart sinks.

Adrian gives me a quizzical look from where he’s standing, loading a bag full of my new clothes into the back seat. “What do you mean?”

“I was talking to myself.” I try to wave him off.

“Yes, you do a lot of that. I’m still asking what you’re talking about.”

He is full of jokes lately, this one. “He’s really going to just let us go, isn’t he?”

“Why are you so surprised? I’m not asking to start any shit with you,” he insists when I groan. “It’s not a question. He told us from the beginning. He has no intention of being of assistance.”

Let him sound casual and philosophical all he wants. Nobody slams the door the way Adrian did when they’re feeling good about a situation, let’s just put it that way. There’s a dark storm in his gaze, too, and he looks up at the house where, as far as we know, his brother is still sleeping. Or at least, that’s what Theo wants us to think. I have that eerie sense of being watched suggesting otherwise. I feel confident he’s up there behind one of those windows, looking down at us. But whatever he’s feeling still isn’t enough to make him change his mind. I wonder if anything could at this point.

“You know what? I have to pee.” I’m already halfway up the steps when Adrian mutters something I pretend I don’t hear. There’s got to be a way. There just has to. I don’t even care so much about myself at this point. It’s Adrian I’m worried about. He’ll never admit it, but he’s hurt. That pain is like music that runs underneath everything he says, bending his words like a guitarist bends a note. He can pretend all he wants, but I’m pretty sure he was hoping his big brother would step up. Why else would we have driven all the way out here?

My shoes slap the stairs as I take them two at a time before rounding the end of the banister in the upstairs hallway. Theo’s bedroom door is open—he’s up and around here somewhere, like I suspected. “Theo?” I whisper before feeling like an idiot. Why am I whispering?

“In here. Inspecting the damage.” He steps out from the room Adrian and I just vacated, smirking in a way that brings last night back in vivid, ugly color. “Making sure I don’t have to replace the bed.”

“That’s something else the two of you have in common. You make jokes to avoid saying something real.”

“You really have us figured out, don’t you?”

“You’re not that hard to figure out.”

He tips his head to the side and shrugs. “Maybe not. Shouldn’t you be on your way by now?”

“Shouldn’t you be coming with us?”

He looks about as surprised as I am. I didn’t mean for that to come tumbling out, but then it wouldn’t be the first time my mouth got me in trouble. An apology poises itself on my tongue, ready to tumble free, but I hold back because screw this guy. Sure, he gave us a place to stay the past several days and did his best to train me, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t acting like a real jerk.

“Could you at least come outside and say goodbye?” I gesture toward the stairs with one arm. “Just maybe, you know, let him know you’re in his corner.”

“I’m always in his corner. That’s not what this is about.” He doesn’t seem angry with me for voicing my opinion. He’s more resigned than anything else. Maybe a little sad around the edges, like in the downturned corners of his mouth.

“There’s still time to change your mind. I’ll get on my knees if I have to. Not like that,” I quickly add, because why not make this whole encounter even more awkward and embarrassing?

“Not changing my mind. But I wish you both the best.”

Right. I’m sure when Adrian and I are both breathing our final gasps of air, it’ll be such a comfort to know Theo wished us both the best.

The blaring from the horn outside tells me I’ve already taken up too much time. Still, it’s not easy to lift my heavy feet and round the top of the stairs. “Suit yourself. Good luck to you and the alpacas.” It doesn’t hit me until after I’ve started down the stairs how snarky that probably came off. But to hell with it.

One thing I make sure I do before I’m back outside is to slap a smile on my face for Adrian’s sake. “Let’s hit the road,” I chirp while climbing into the passenger seat.

He doesn’t hesitate, pulling away as soon as I have the door closed and my belt buckled. “Stop watching me,” he mutters, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. “I don’t know what you’re expecting. A breakdown, perhaps?”

“Maybe I look at you because you’re so nice to look at,” I tease. All that gets me is more grumbling. “I can’t help it. You are a very handsome guy.”

“All I’ll say is, don’t look for emotion from me. You’re not going to find it. Not over him,” he adds before finally looking up at the rearview mirror at the house behind us, getting smaller with every turn of the wheels.

“Well, I see what I have to do.” Sitting back, I fold my arms with a firm nod.

“I’m almost afraid to ask.”