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“You didn’t lose him,” she says, while pushing the bucket into his hands. “That kind of love doesn’t just go away, you know.”

He tightens his grip, focusing his stinging eyes on the bucket’s contents as Jane backs away.

“Now get out of here,” she tells him, while rolling up her sleeves. “We’ve got a monster to kill.”

Thomas puffs out a deep breath. “We’ve got a monster to kill,” he says.

He takes off toward the back hall, where the restroom and the door to the roof access are located. Kimi looks up from where she leans back against the wall, then stands up straight to face him.

“All good?” she asks, and Thomas simply nods, not trusting the strength of his voice. In one hand she holds Jim’s shotgun; the other she holds out for Thomas. “Here,” she says. “I gave Jane the last fire poker. I know it’s not iron, but it’s better than nothing.”

He nearly laughs as he grabs the baseball bat.

Twenty-two

And when she needed help to see,

Jane forces her shoulders back before reentering the office. The small room is a ravaged mess, littered with bloodied bandages and the remnants of Thomas’s cast. Seeing it lying there, split open and left behind like a shed snakeskin, it’s hard to imagine the amount of turmoil such a small object could carry.

Ashley sits in the rolling chair with her eyes closed and her hands placed on her stomach, looking almost like a wax figure. Jane softens her footsteps as she approaches the woman. “How are you feeling?” she asks.

When Ashley opens her eyes, they are red with strained blood vessels. She forces a smile, stretching the skin tight over her high cheekbones. “Just a bit dizzy. I think the night’s beginning to catch up with me.”

Jane eyes the bandage she applied to the woman’s collarbone earlier, noting the spots of red that have started to seep through it. She wonders what kind of mark might be left behind—what reminder of pain this woman could have etched on her permanently beyond the evening’s events tattooed across her memories.

“I can’t imagine this kind of stress is good for the baby,” says Jane, recalling when she first saw Jim’s body after the gunshot rang out. There was a feeling of moving against quicksand, like Time had picked up the seconds and days and moved on without them, turning their bones frail and hair snow white.

Whatever else the night had in store for them didn’t matter much anymore for Jane and the others—either they’d make it to sunrise or they wouldn’t. But Ashley was housing another life, one that was expected to arrive in mere weeks. It was a collective decision that she remain inside behind locked doors while the plan was carried out, despite how initially insulted she had been.

Now, leaning back in the ancient rolling chair, Ashley only forces that tight, pained smile again. “Can I tell you something?” she says.

Jane glances out at the empty store, figuring Thomas and Kimi would be working their way upstairs. She turns and rests against the doorframe. “Sure.”

Ashley’s lip wobbles slightly as she stares at her stomach in the same intimate, probing way she has all evening. Only now does Jane have a word for the look in the woman’s eyes.

Regret.

Ashley nods as though the thought has been spelled out loud for her. “I never wanted a baby,” she admits.

The tight smile fights to keep hold until heavy frown lines form deep in her skin. She smooths her hands across the large bump before letting them drop down to her lap, palms facing upward and directionless.

“Evan and I had all these plans—all these dreams of traveling and working in different cities until we found the place that felt most like home. I guess I’ve always sort of struggled with the idea of settling down, but I knew more than anything that I wanted a childfree life.” A tear drops as she bows her head low, waiting for a damnation to rain down.

“Evan knew that too before we got married. He promised that I would always be enough, in the way people do before they realize they’re desperate for a little reflection of themselves,” she continues, laughing hollowly. “So he talked me into keeping it. Kept saying it was fate and that we had finally found our true purpose. People always say that—that children are what gives your life purpose.” The woman’s face crumples up then, and she waits a few seconds before speaking again. “I already had purpose,” she whispers.

Jane tracks the tear that escapes down Ashley’s cheek, slow and unhurried.

“It’s ironic, isn’t it?” says Ashley next, letting out another weary laugh. “Evan’s the one who wanted this baby, and now he’s not even here to see it be born.” She laughs again, though it dissolves into a breathless sob.

Jane closes the space between them, gently grabbing hold of the woman’s hand as she kneels down next to her.

“All I can think about is my body being my own again. I just want my body back,” Ashley cries, placing her other hand over her mouth. “God, I’m horrible, aren’t I?”

Tears blur Jane’s eyes as she shifts to grab the box of tissues from the desk. “You’re not horrible for wanting that,” she answers, forcing back images of hungry hands and the feeling of friction between her skin and rough brick.

Her fingers tremble as she holds out a tissue.

“I’m sorry,” Ashley replies, blowing her nose. “It’s been this awful secret weighing me down, and I just—I just needed to admit it out loud to someone, you know. In case we don’t…”