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“I… what? Ew. No. I was calling to beg Madison to call in. We’re all holding our breaths here.”
“Perhaps she prefers you suffocate. Next caller.”
Jack scrambled.
He was typically unflappable.
I figured it was the high call volume that had him flustered. He wasn’t able to vet the callers as thoroughly as usual.
“We have Stephanie.”
“Hello, Stephanie. You have thoughts?”
“Hi, Silas! So, I wanted to talk about the feeding thing too. I don’t see why it’s so bad. I mean, I’ve never been bitten by a vampire. But there’s something kind of hot about that.”
“Until he gets sick of you, dumps you, and you’re in vampire dens begging strangers to feed from you. Next caller. Does someone out there have something interesting to say?”
“We have Jamie. She wants to discuss her upcoming wedding. With a demon.”
“If you insist on making such a monumental mistake, I suppose I have the right to tell you how idiotic you are being. What about your wedding do you want to talk about? Cold feet?”
“No, of course not. I love my fiancé.”
“Then why are you calling in?”
“Well, it’s not about Ta—my fiancé himself. It’s more about his, well, family.”
“The demon in-laws.”
“Yes. They, um, they have some… unusual rituals.”
“Such as?”
“Well, I’m supposed to, uh, bathe with my fiancé. In front of everyone.”
“Wear a bathing suit.”
“In a pool of our shared spilt blood. And, well, I’m pretty anemic. And they don’t seem to understand that I can’t, you know, bleed that much.”
“What does your betrothed say?”
“He asked why I can’t just eat a couple of steaks and do it.”
“A fairly legitimate question.”
“I’m a vegetarian.”
“Does your fiancé know this?”
“Yes. I mean, he keeps forgetting, but—”
“How long have you been together?”
“Engaged for a year. But we’ve been together for four.”
“Four years and he still doesn’t know your dietary restrictions? My advice: call off the wedding.”
“That’s your answer to everything.”
