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“I did not need that mental image.”

“Oh, don’t act prudish on me, smuttercup. I know you read that book about the sentient toaster and his… plug.”

“It was morbid curiosity.”

“Morbid curiosity. Like with that tentacle sex toy sitting on the shelf in the living room?”

“That was research.” And a huge argument between me and my ex. Even though I had no intentions of actually trying to use the thing. Though I doubt anyone would blame me if I did, since intimacy between me and Brad had been lackluster at best. Fine. Not even lackluster. Completely devoid of anything resembling heat on my side. Luckily for Brad, he didn’t seem to notice. Or care. Except when he thought he was going to be measured up against a tentacle with a bunch of those little sucker things up and down the shaft.

“Where’d I lose you?” Tess asked.

“Brad.”

“Oh, for the love of darkness. Please tell me you aren’t thinking of getting back in touch with that NPC with main character delusions.”

“NPC?”

“Non-Player Character.”

My lips twitched at that.

“I know I shouldn’t enjoy that, but…”

“But he only ever went down on you once, so he has it coming? Right, Steve?” she asked, making me stiffen.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m almost certain I shouldn’t ever agree with you.”

“Smart man,” Tess said, aiming, then chucking her diet soda in the recycling bin next to my desk. “Alright. I’ll take my bad influence self out of here.”

She moved to stand behind Steve and mimed falling asleep.

“Hey, Steve. How’s it going?”

“Good. Good. I just have a quick suggestion.”

Oh, I was sure he did.

“What’s that?”

“A hoof brush at the door.”

“Oh. Wow. I never thought of that. Sure. I can make sure we get one of those as soon as possible.”

“I would appreciate it. The farrier cost a small fortune. I want to keep these in tip-top shape until I have to submit to more work.”

“Of course. Yes. I have to look into it, but as soon as I find one, we will have it here.”

“I knew I could count on you.”

Alone, I turned back to the computer, watching the comments roll in as I turned up the volume on my radio to listen to Silas’s smooth voice.

It was the same voice I’d described no fewer than five times in my book already. My heroine seemed just as mesmerized by it as I was.

I was so caught up by the sound of it that I missed the words for a long moment.

And then something broke through.

“More and more, it seems to me that you mortals keep falling for love’s good marketing to cover up for your own bad decisions.”