Page 69

I thought going back would make me young again.

I thought it might fix the hole worn through my heart. Instead, it just reminded me I’ve grown into someone so different, there’s no going back to that house where I spent my childhood. It’s a sad realization, but it’s also a little healing. Today, I let that sink in for the first time.

I can move on, look for something else.

I don’t have to keep regretting how quickly I let go of my old life when success came along. I don’t have to carry these what-ifs around on my back all the time. Now, I can start thinking about what life might be like if I took a break and built something just for me.

My eyes fall on her, floating like a siren in the water. God, she’s pretty. I could really stand to keep her around.

She releases a sigh, squirming out of my grasp. I’m glad for it. My thoughts are too heavy.

“Want to swim a bit?” she asks. “My body feels like it’s scrunched like an accordion from sitting in that truck.”

I nod, dipping below the water. She does the same, and I open my eyes for a brief second to see her swimming at my side. The pressure of the water is comforting, invigorating.

Tonight could go on forever.

We stay in the water for a while. Other guests come and go, but the couple from earlier stay at the table and watch the sunset come down. I get out and grab us some towels by the office. When I return, Sabrina’s standing by the couple, hand on her hip while she talks. I approach with some reluctance.

“Hey,” Sabrina says, glancing up at me. “This is Jon and Brandi.”

The man leans in to shake my hand, and the woman does the same. His face is young, so I’d reckon they’re about my age, but his eyes are so damn tired.

“Where are you two headed?” I ask.

Brandi gathers her honey-blonde hair, tying it at her nape. “We’re actually living here.”

“Oh,” I say, unsure how to respond.

“Really?” Sabrina says.

Jon nods, resting his elbows on his knees. “Yeah, our neighborhood got hit in a fire a couple weeks back, so the owner let us stay here. About half the guests here were displaced by the same fire. It was pretty damn destructive.”

“Damn, that’s rough. I’m sorry,” I say.

Brandi shrugs, eyes distant. “People have been real good to us.”

“No grants?”

She shakes her head. “Not yet, but we’re hoping something comes through. Our house wasn’t big. It was his mom’s home before she passed, but it was all we had.”

“The neighborhood is a mess still,” says Jon. “We can’t get to the house, probably won’t be able to until they send in someone to help clear out all the debris and make sure there’s no chemicals or hazardous shit around.”

Sabrina is studying them both, chewing her lip. “So you could be here all summer?”

They glance at each other. “Yeah, maybe,” says Brandi. “It’s hard to say.”

“Where are you two headed then?” Jon says, like he doesn’t want to fixate too much on their circumstances.

“Nashville, for work,” I say quickly.

“Oh yeah? What do you do up there?”

“Not much. Some finance stuff.”

At that minute, another couple appears. They come straight over and introduce themselves to us as Kay and Kent, both from the same neighborhood and living at the motel. It doesn’t take long before Sabrina suggests we grab some drinks from the bar in the lounge. I volunteer to bring some beers, mostly because I know I can afford them, and I’m not living in a motel with no home.

Lula is behind the counter. I duck inside, and she looks up, popping her gum.