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Elena looked at her over the rim of her glass, and didn't gloat, which was its own kindness.
"I figured," she said.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The trouble started, as far as Dean could mark it, the morning he caught himself listening for her truck.
It was a Tuesday, weeks into it now, she'd been working the ranch long enough that the office had stopped looking like a disaster and started looking like a room, long enough that the phone got answered and the bills got paid and a man could find a document without praying over the drawer first. Long enough that the house had a rhythm again, and the rhythm, Dean had been slow and unwilling to notice, had her in it.
He was at the kitchen window with his coffee at six-fifteen, and a blue truck came up over the cattle guard, and something in his chest did a thing it had no business doing, a small dumb lift, like a dog hearing a particular engine. He stood there holding his cup and despised himself thoroughly. He was thirty-three years old. He had two children and a father in a hospital and four hundred head of cattle and a company circling his fence line, and he was standing at a window feeling his own pulse pick up because the office assistant was early.
He poured the rest of the coffee down the sink and went out to work before she got to the porch, which was, he was aware, not the behavior of a man who didn't care one way or the other.
The thing he kept getting caught on was the smile.
Not the polite one. She had a polite one she used on Pearl's casseroles and on the hands and, mostly, on him — pleasant, level, gave away exactly nothing, the professional smile of a woman who'd spent a career being agreeable to people she was quietly assessing. He'd had a hundred of those off her and they slid right past.
It was the other one that got him. The real one. It came out maybe twice a week and never when she meant it to, and it cracked her whole face open and put a dimple in one cheek, and the first time he'd caught it square, she was on the kitchen floor with Levi and something the boy said had ambushed her and there it was, the dimple, the whole unguarded delight of her, Dean had stood in his own doorway like he'd been hit in the chest with a fence post and had to leave the room.
He'd started, against every shred of his own better sense, keeping track of it. Not on purpose. He'd just notice, after, that he'd noticed — that the dimple had been out, that whatever had earned it (Levi, mostly; Giana, once, which was rarer and meant more; never him) had filed itself away in some part of him that was apparently keeping a ledger he hadn't authorized. He told himself it was nothing. He told himself a lot of things lately, and was getting about the same mileage out of them that Lara seemed to be getting out of hers.
Saturday, he took the kids to Pearl's, like he did every Saturday.
"There's my babies." Pearl had the plates down before they'd slid into the booth, strawberry pancakes for Giana, chocolate chip for Levi, the order unchanged in four years and never once spoken aloud anymore. "And their daddy. Coffee, Dean?"
"Please."
"Where's that new girl of yours?"
"She's not my new girl." It came out before he'd thought about it — fast, and a half-step too defensive, and aimed at the wrong word — and he heard it land, and so did Pearl, whose face did something he didn't care for at all.
"Mm-hmm," said Pearl, and went for the coffee, and Dean had a brief vivid premonition of exactly how the next several months of his life were going to go.
"We watched the one with the dog," Levi was telling her when she came back, because Pearl always asked and Levi always delivered. "The dog gets lost. But then he walks two thousand miles."
"It was four hundred miles," Giana said.
"Two thousand."
"Four hundred. It said. At the end. In the words on the screen."
"It felt like two thousand," Levi said, with the air of a man who would not be moved off a deeply held position, and Pearl nodded gravely like this was the most important intelligence she'd received all week, and Dean drank his coffee and watched his kids argue about a dog and felt, for a minute, almost level.
Friday nights were his. Pizza on the floor or pancakes for dinner if Levi lobbied hard enough, a movie they fought over and then both loved, no phone, no ranch, no Burchall, nothing in the world but the three of them and whatever the dog did for two thousand or four hundred miles. He'd built that out of the wreckage four years ago, brick by brick, when the house had gone so quiet he thought it might kill them all. It was the one thing he'd gotten unambiguously right. The town knew it about him. Pearl knew it. It was, he'd have said, if anyone had asked, the whole of what he had left to give.
"The dog found his way home, though," Giana said. She'd gone quiet under the bickering, the way she did when something had snagged in her and she was working at it. "All that way. He didn't even have a map."
"Dogs don't need maps," Levi explained, generously. "They have noses."
But Giana wasn't really listening to Levi anymore. She had syrup on her chin and a question loading; Dean could always tell when one was coming, could see it gathering behind her eyes a second before it arrived.
"Daddy." She looked up at him. "When's Uncle Brody coming home?"
And there it was — the leap a kid's mind made, the dog who walked across a whole country to get back to his people landing her, by some short straight line only an eight-year-old could draw, on the uncle who'd gone across a whole world and hadn't. The other thing. The one with no good answer.
"I don't know, baby," Dean said.
She looked at him a second longer, the way she did, the daughter who remembered more than she should and asked the questions Levi didn't know to ask yet — the dog came home, so why doesn't he sitting unspoken in her face — and then she let it go and went back to her pancakes, and Dean sat with the small specific ache of it: a brother on the other side of the world who called twice a year, who hadn't been home for their mother, who'd never once met the boy across the booth eating chocolate chips. He didn't have words for Brody. He had a grievance the size of a county and nowhere to put it down.