Page 175

Jade’s eyes went wide and she immediately nodded. “You’re right. We need a game plan.”

“They’ve already been through a lot of change and obviously they’re not good at it.”

“And we don’t want them getting too attached here and making it worse for you when you have to leave. Do you want me to stay away from them?”

I immediately shook my head. “No, that’s a really bad idea. They’re already attached and there’s nothing we can do about it now.”

“We can always make calls when you’re back.”

“Exactly. But if they know we’re more . . . then it might change things.”

Jade’s lips pressed into a thin line. “So, we don’t tell them.”

“They already know a lot. It’s bad enough as it is.”

“The town might spoil it.” Her arms crossed. “Do we keep it from them too?”

“Not if you don’t want to.” I eyed her body language. “You already seem mad.”

“I’m not. I wish I could bask in the glow of sex a little longer, but we have to talk about this. It’s not as simple as it was when we were teens.” She let out a breath and her shoulders loosened. “We’ll keep it between us.”

“Really?”

“They’ve seen a little bit, but I can gaslight the fuck out of them.” She finally smiled. “It’s one of my favorite things to do.”

“And you’re sure you’re okay?”

I thought she would immediately say she was, but she paused to think about it. “I think I am. As much as I’d like to do what I want, we can’t. But I still have you. That’s all that matters.”

“Yeah.” I said it slowly. “That’s all that matters.”

The next few days of the girls’ school went better than the first. I was able to drop them off entirely on my own. Jade had texted to ask if I needed help. I was glad that I didn’t.

Once upon a time, I longed for this kind of quiet, but in the silence, thoughts of Jade took over my mind. I’d worked on all my emails. I’d even plotted out a new game. But it wasn’t enough.

The only other distraction I could find was at Atticus’s house. I pulled in, noting that he was at the vet clinic for the day, and went inside using my key.

Mom’s office was exactly like she left it when she died. I’d come in here many times when I was a kid and was planning on getting out of Strawberry Springs. Ever since I’d returned, I tried not to come in here. Reading her letters would be a reminder that I was back where I shouldn’t be.

I was living the life that she never wanted for me.

I needed that reminder now. Not even the memory of Alice wanting the girls to go to private school was enough right now.

Hopefully, Mom could convince me to do the right thing.

Her letters were in the same place, barely disturbed even though time had passed.

Atticus was determined to continue on with his life. I knew he loved Mom and missed her, but he didn’t need to come in here the same way I did.

Even though I remembered her, it was from a youth that I had long since lost. Atticus was an adult who knew her fully. These reminders were important.

Feeling like a teenager again, I sat on the floor and went through her letters. I found one dated many years ago, back when I knew she was going through something similar to what I was now.

I sent Gabriel to Strawberry Springs Elementary School today. It was so hard to leave, not only because I knew that the school was so underfunded, but also because he’s my baby. It feels wrong to leave him in a place where I know he’s not going to get the best education he can.

With how the state is acting toward small towns these days, I’m not sure that he’ll get the kind of learning that he deserves. I had to do it, though, and when I left, I cried in my car for what felt like an hour before coming home. Now, everything is far too quiet, and I can’t wait to go get him.

I hope that when he has kids, things are different. I hope that they get the education that they deserve and he’s somewhere else. While the people I love are in Strawberry Springs, I know more than anyone else that there’s more out there.