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When I got home, I slammed the door and hid in my room. I sat on my bed and thought of my future. Instead of the coding classes and being in San Francisco, I thought about what would happen if Jade were pregnant.

She’d be due in late spring, and I knew I’d need to be here. She would need family support, something she could only get in Strawberry Springs. Her dad might be pissed, but he had a stable job. People in town would volunteer to watch a baby, even if it wasn’t theirs.

The town was falling apart, but the people would help. Even I could admit that.

I wouldn’t let her do it on her own. I could travel for school, but I’d be splitting my time. I’d barely be able to finish my semester, and that was if I were lucky.

As I did the math, my foolish words hit me even harder.

I wouldn’t be able to leave. I’d have to stay here.

I tried to be okay with it. I tried to make peace with it.

But a thought sprang forth and I was out of my room, going back into Mom’s office. I went for the one letter on my mind, the very one I was never supposed to read.

Some days, I feel terrible. I look at Gabriel playing in the yard and I wonder what my life would look like if I didn’t have him. I was such a young fool when I met his father. I jumped into something I wasn’t ready for and then had to move to Tennessee when he did.

I’m lucky I have Atticus. He’s been so good for me, but I jumped into things with Atticus in hopes of a partner. I love him and I’d never leave, but I cannot lie and say I didn’t have ulterior motives. Gabriel needs Atticus. I know it more than anything.

But what if? What if I hadn’t had a child and stayed home? Could I have gotten a degree? Could I have made more of myself?

I’ll always wonder. I’ll always think about this.

I’ll also do my best to make sure Gabriel never knows about it either.

A tear escaped my eye as I read it over and over again. I’d found this when I was way too young and shouldn’t have read it. I cried then too.

This time was worse.

This time, a new path lay in front of me. One where I was doomed to make her same mistakes. One where I was doomed to be trapped in a place that she didn’t want to be, all because of a stupid decision I’d made.

I didn’t want kids. Hell, I couldn’t even say the right things when it came to Jade when she told me. She was still mad and I needed to apologize.

I wasn’t cut out for this. I wasn’t the kind of man who could be what Jade deserved either.

I was simply a fool who was just like his mother.

What a fucking joke.

Two days later, Jade found me at the diner.

“You’re safe.”

I looked around, making sure that the diner’s owner, Tammy, wasn’t anywhere she could listen. The last thing either of us needed was for her to find out.

That’s when I recognized what she’d said. “Wait, what?”

“The test was negative.”

“Aren’t there false negatives sometimes?”

“I’m surprised you aren’t taking the news and running with it.”

“I’m . . . I wouldn’t.”

Jade crossed her arms and frowned at me.

It went straight to my soul.