Page 62

Every muscle in my back bunches and I spin around on instinct, hands clenched into fists already. Beckett catches both of my wrists the second I raise them.

“You didn’t force me into anything,” he says, lowering my arms down to my sides. “I researched. I planned. If you would’ve left when I said—” He licks his lips. “—no one could have been able to link this to you. My blood’s here. My search history’s really, really bad.”

Yeah.

Well.

Little late for that.

Beckett gently removes my mask and drops it on the floor. “This was my decision. I could’ve backed out at any time. I could’ve started going to class and turned in my assignments—”

“You’re not doing schoolwork?” I mumble. “So much for valedictorian.”

“I stopped thinking about graduating last week.”

He coughs into the crook of his elbow. There’s a dark splotch on his hoodie sleeve when he pulls back. I really hope it’s just spit or a loogie, but there’s blood on the side of his lip that he doesn’t notice.

His eyes stick on Dave’s body; they narrow when he looks back at me.

“I knew there was no regular life after this, Ira,” he says. “My choice was you or him.”

I let myself soak in the words for a minute.

No one’s ever said that to me before. I’ve had serious relationships in the past—talks about moving in together, getting married, going to the same college—we were inseparable. Crazy obsessed. But it’s like… kiddy crap compared to this.

Now I’m not sure if I’m crying because of the shitshow that just happened, or because of that.

“What do we do now?” I ask. “We can’t stay here, right?”

“No. We can’t use our cars, either. Or our credit cards.” Beckett turns away from me, running his hands through his hair. “Fuck.”

I cross my arms over my chest to keep my insides on the inside, and try to stop the annoying tears.

Denny’s hamburger and hot chocolate still sound good.

And at least I don’t have to worry about accidentally failing a project anymore.

There’s no more school. No more Delta Tau fraternity. No more Halloween parties, or Stranger Danger, or dormmates that don’t know when to keep their mouth shut.

I’ve never had to say goodbye to a life.

Chapter 16

Beckett

There's no way I can sleep. My brain's constantly in overdrive, churning so hard that the first headache never really goes away. Instead, it amplifies until my temples throb and the lingering taste of my own blood coats my tongue.

We're at the fourth “Open All Night” diner outside of Canton. There's no curfew here. Truckers wander in at 3:00 A.M. without batting an eyelash. Servers aren't looking over at the door like they do in Eunice.

Ira moves my arm over his shoulder and curls against my side, hugging me so tightly my ribs fight to expand.

“I don’t want to be the only one ordering food again,” he says. “The waitress is going to remember me as the sugar fiend. Ew.”

My stomach lurches at the prospect of food, and I shake my head quickly before I can overthink it and vomit.

Which only makes the headache worse.

The bell above the door dings, and a group of people in State sweatshirts walk through. One looks over at Ira—notices my hoodie I threw on him to cover his tattoos—and gives him a thumbs-up. He lets go long enough to flash his weird peace sign. Then latches onto me again.