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“It’s different.” Sadie fakes a gag and covers her eyes.
“If Ro were here, she’d be very mad at you.”
Rosalie Shariff has been dating our left winger Freddy for who knows how long—though my suspicions are for far longer than they’ll admit to. She tutored him last semester, came to nearly every one of our games as his friend—since then, they’ve been inseparable. And unbearable to be around with their intense flirting and never-quite-hidden intimacy all over our house.
“Where exactly is my roommate?” Sadie asks.
It is strange. Ro is usually the first one up with me.
Freddy is beaming ear to ear as he starts to open his mouth—leaving both Rhys and me to groan before he’s said anything.
“Let’s just say it’s a good thing we lock our door. Your roommate is a menace, Brown. She kept me up all night—I’m exhausted—”
“All right.” Rhys cuts him off. Liam is repositioned onto his hip now, Star Wars pajama shirt stretched out nearly off his shoulder. Both of them have bedhead, messy locks brushing each other as Liam leans to rest his head on Rhys’s shoulder, like it might soften him out of trouble with his sister. “Everyone get dressed for family breakfast. Freddy—boxers do not count. You need a shirt. Liam—”
“Please don’t lock the door. How do I come in if I have a nightmare?”
The puppy eyes Liam is sending Rhys are practiced, but my captain is soft as butter when it comes to the entire Brown family. Sadie has always played parent to her brothers when she needs to, but Rhys isn’t used to being anything but a gentle friend.
“You have to knock,” he finally says, but the words are accompanied by a tight hug before he sweeps Liam up onto his shoulder.
“He must’ve walked in on something good,” Freddy murmurs beneath his breath, tapping me on the shoulder as he passes to go back upstairs.
Rhys blushed again at Freddy’s words and a chuckle works its way through my lips.
“Do I want to know?” I ask Sadie quietly, arms crossed. She looks up at me and shakes her head.
“Nope.”
They all exit to properly dress while I start on pancakes, waffles, eggs, and everything any of them has ever requested for breakfast. Once the table is full with both food and my friends, we all settle in.
Mornings are loud now, where they used to be quiet. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
But that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. It’s hard not to notice where I sit: at the head of the table, alone. That while Rhys watches over Sadie at his side, and Ro watches over Freddy, the one person I want to take care of most isn’t here, letting me watch over her. I worry she never will be.
It’s easy to imagine Paloma here, sitting at a chair pulled up beside me. Eating the food I made for her, warm feet tucked under my thigh, bundled up in a sweatshirt with a messy braid. Maybe she’d let me feed her. Maybe she’d talk with everyone—or she’d be like me. Quiet, just taking it all in.
But she’s not here.
“Sometimes I think you’re not real. That I dreamed you—”
I shake my head, shoulder twitching to my ear.
Everyone thinks Paloma is the party girl. A good time, fun and drunk and smiling. They think she thrives under burning strobes and a moshing sea of bodies.
But I know her.
I know she likes quiet most, or an early morning when only the distant noise of birds chirping fills the space. I know she plays ocean sounds to fall asleep, that she’s at peace when she’s in the water. I know that she would rather sit in complete silence, in my clothes, in my room, than attend another party.
But I also know she’d willingly choose to cause herself more pain than ever allow herself to have those things.
I really know her. I might be the only one who does.
My Paloma Blake is a secret I will always keep safe, closest to my heart.
Chapter 2
NOW
