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Silence reigned for a moment.

“Jim?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re still on the phone.”

“I know.”

“What is it?” I prodded.

“So, Sutter … you think, um … you think we can see his place in Winnetka?”

It took me a second. “Are you kidding?”

“No, I’m not kidding,” he barked at me.

“Really?”

“Yeah. What the fuck?”

I coughed. “Sure, yeah. I got a key. I’ll show you around.”

“Oh? You’ve got a key. Ain’t that the shit?!”

I hung up on him, and he called back, laughing so hard that he couldn’t breathe. I made sure to tell him to go fuck himself before I hung up a second time. The third time, he was still chuckling but was in enough control to listen about the case. I promised to call him before we went into the compound the following day.

After Jimmy, I called to leave a voicemail for my captain and was surprised when she picked up the phone in her office. Apparently she was working late, trying to clear out some paperwork, and was pleased to hear from me. I caught her up on the case and then got to the heart of the matter.

I started by explaining how sorry I was for not coming clean with her in person, but that I had to talk to her about me being gay before I returned and before it got back to her. She surprised me by thanking me for my openness and honesty, and then informed me it was not her business in the least.

“Have you spoken to someone with the Gay Officers Action League, Detective?”

“Um, no.”

“Well, you should. Would you like me to shoot the GOAL rep for our department an email?”

I had no idea what to say to that. “Sure, I guess.”

“You guess or you’re sure, Detective?”

“I’m sure.”

“Excellent. It’s very important for you to know your rights. Equality can be a rocky road. Just know that when it is, I will be there to support you. You’re one of mine.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

When I hung up, I sat alone on the second floor and stared out the window. It made me almost sick that I had waited so long to be brave and stand up. And it was crazy, but I felt like I owed someone an apology.

It seemed like the natural thing to do to call my ex.

He picked up on the third ring. “Hello?”

Of course he wouldn’t know it was me. My phone number wouldn’t be in his phone anymore, not after so long.

“Hello?”