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Once everyone is on board and seated, I walk up and down the aisle counting heads and ticking names off the guest list. The buzz is incredible.

Jiff Livison is deep in conversation with the IT guy, Max. Jiff has turned up in an outfit that can only be described as thought-provoking (jaunty, yellow, double denim) but they seem to be getting on extremely well. Max has come dressed as a washed-up porn star.

I hear Ava murmuring fashion advice to Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen. ‘His top has too low a V at the front, and even though he has had the courage to team this with several beaded necklaces and a matching beaded bracelet, he is very clearly not a Maori nor an Indian spirit healer. I would know because I spent⁠—’

‘Don’t judge a book by its cover,’ I remind her. ‘There’s bound to be a girl here that’s perfect for him.’

‘No woman ever said “Ooh I love a man in crocs”,’ Ava whispers in my ear. ‘They are clearly meant for each other.’

No woman? My eyes swing from the foam clogs to the pair of battered espadrilles that Jiff is sporting. I overhear Jiff discussing business opportunities with Max, who says he is a business development consultant. They are getting on very well. So well, in fact, I overhear them making plans to go on a date. I could have sworn that Max worked in IT. Come to think of it, I almost accused him of working in IT. And insisted that he get a girlfriend.

I stop to apologise, and they are quick to forgive. ‘I hope you two manage to find love this evening,’ I say, causing them both to blush profusely. ‘I mean, I hope you find the Law of Attraction works for you.’

Silence.

Now that I have created an awkward pause, I slide away. I am a work in progress so, like them, I will forgive myself immediately.

* * *

On arrival at the retreat, Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen’s mother rushes up to her daughter and holds her face in her hands. She is clearly bursting with pride. Thankfully Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen is taking all the fuss with good grace. The love between the pair of them is almost palpable. I notice Ava is also watching this exchange of motherly love with a sad look on her face.

‘I invited our parents,’ I say, watching Ava’s face fall in disbelief as she turns to find our mum and dad in the crowd.

‘What the actual fuck?’ She is not happy when she spots them walking through the door.

I make my way over to the entrance, a wide smile on my face. Admittedly, it’s a bit uncomfortable, but I’m going to slice right through it with some top coaching. I’m getting my own house in order and I’m moving onwards and upwards. I’ve never felt more determined in my whole life. Plus, it’s nearly speech time and I need to get this over with as quickly as possible.

‘Listen, before you both say anything, I just want to apologise for the way I have behaved,’ I say to my parents, stopping them in their tracks. ‘I handled it all terribly, and I very much appreciate the space you’ve given me to work things out. I feel much, much better now. Sorry it has taken me so long to realise it. And of course, thanks for allowing me to stay at the villa.’

I envelop them both in a huge hug. They cannot believe it. Both parents have mouths hanging open.

Ava scuttles over.

‘What are you two doing here?’ she blurts rudely.

‘Good to see you too,’ my mother says stiffly. I notice she and Ava bristle. Dad gives me a look and a tiny eye roll. My hunch was right. I knew Ava was hiding something. I beckon them over to the Serenity fountain.

Dad is positively beaming. He takes me to one side, leans in and whispers, ‘I’m so relieved to see that you’re much happier than when I last saw you. Has your sister been behaving herself?’

I give him a big hug. I’ll just keep it simple because for one, he’s a man, and two, it would be awkward to tell him that the root of all our family problems may lie with him just sitting back and doing nothing, while our mother pitted me and Ava against each other to live out her own delusional fantasy, resulting in none of us getting what we really wanted out of life or our relationships. Ava, Mum and I need to spend time together and be rid of this ‘thing’, this wedge, that we have allowed to build up.

‘I think your mother is still annoyed at Ava for leaving her job like that,’ Dad says, nodding in their direction.

Glancing over, we see them locked in heated discussion.

‘Wait, what do you mean? I thought Ava had been made redundant.’

Dad shakes his head. ‘That’s what she told your mother initially, but we soon found out. It’s such a small town and I mean, it was a great job, she used to manage over two⁠—’

‘Yes, yes, I know, I know…’ I politely cut him off. I quickly tap my third eye and my inner wrists. I close my eyes and rub my temples, letting out a low rumble of sound for a count of five. Dad is looking at me aghast. ‘I’m perfectly fine, Dad, but are you saying that Ava threw away her career, and followed me to Spain just to try and repair our relationship?’

‘From what I can see it’s all she has ever wanted. To be close to her big sister,’ my father says, looking at me. ‘She has followed you around her whole life, Nell. Always trying to get your attention. Mind, she can be bloody annoying at times, just like your mother, but the intentions are genuine. She had a whole surprise organised for your birthday. She wanted us all to pretend we’d forgotten, and then when she found out you’d left home she was very upset. I had to eat a whole cheesecake, and your mother had to drink all the champagne.’

If this is true, then it has been me who has been too pig-headed to see it. I look over at Ava, just as she looks over to me. As our eyes connect, we share a brief moment of understanding.

‘Come on, Dad,’ I say and walk him over to where our mother is standing with a pinched face.

‘Ava, can I borrow you for a minute, please?’