Page 75

Carmen opens the door a few seconds after I knock, still wearing that sweater from earlier. Her hair is up in a messy bun, and as usual, my brain turns to fucking goo.

“Hi.” She gives me a small smile. “Theo’s in the yard with Fifi. They’re having some kind of important meeting.”

I nod.

Then I just stand there in the doorway like an idiot.

She tilts her head. “Do you want to come in?”

I nod and she steps aside. As I walk in, my gaze immediately lands on the couch. The memory of her legs wrapped around my head flashes through my mind. I force the thought away.

“You been baking?” I ask, because the sweet scent of sugar and vanilla lingers in the air and I need something else to focus on.

“Cupcakes.”

“You save some for me?”

“Of course.”

That shouldn’t do anything to me.

It does.

She leads me into the kitchen and lifts a cupcake from a plate. The icing is brown and blue, with two lopsided eyes and a comically long neck.

I stare at it. “What the hell is that?”

“You,” she says, biting back a laugh. “Theo wanted to make all of us.”

She shows me the others. One that’s supposed to be Theo—a blob with a big smile. One that’s Carmen, with brown icing eyes and a ridiculous pink mouth. Then she points to the last one.

Fifi.

The thing looks like it crawled out of a nightmare. Mangled icing, crooked legs, two different-sized eyes, and what might be fangs.

A laugh punches out of me before I can stop it. A proper laugh, deep and rough, straight from somewhere I don’t use much.

Carmen’s whole face lights up.

“Oh,” she says. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh properly before.”

I stop immediately.

Her smile widens. “It’s cute.”

Cute.

No one has called me cute in my entire life.

I should say something. Something smart. Something sarcastic enough to get us back on familiar ground.

Nothing comes.

She looks at me all soft and pleased, like I’m worth a damn and not a total piece of shit. And just like that, everything feels warm and nice in a way I don’t deserve. For one stupid second I forget why I came over.

I need to get this over with.

I open my mouth, ready to drag us back to the point when the back door bangs open.