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“About what?” I asked like a dumbass.

“About why he did it, of course?” Oh yes, the bone-breaking thing, jeez, how could I forget… don’t say four orgasms, Anna.

I shook my head, because it was easier than the insane alternative that was now my life.

“He wasn’t open to talking about it,” I replied feeling like this was the safest option at this point.

“Hm.” She looked down that corridor for a second, and then said something I would think about long after this conversation.

“You know what I reckon? I reckon there’s somebody in that man’s life who got hurt by an asshole like Briggs. Sister. Mother. Somebody. Because that wasn’t anger, Erin, whatever they’re writing on the form. Men who are angry hit things. That was somebody stepping up and doing something about a problem.” I opened my mouth to reply but nothing came out.

Because I don’t think she was wrong.

After that she patted my arm and went off to do the review board paperwork, and I stood in that corridor with my heart going far too fast and my blood sugar taking the hit because of it.

Because I couldn’t stop myself from wondering what if.

What would it have been like if I had met him years ago. If there had been somebody like that standing behind me.

And then I went and did the med pass, because that was my job.

But I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about it for the rest of the day. I would also be lying if I said the first thing I did when I got home was jump in the shower.

What I actually did was lie in my bathtub with the shower curtain pulled across, because I still had no idea where his cameras were, and spread my legs. Then I gave myself another orgasm while I thought about him and his cum still coating my skin.

It was good.

But not as good as him.

36

EXPECTING SOMEBODY ELSE

ANNA

Iwashed him off me at six in the morning and couldn’t even find it in me to be ashamed of it. And the hours I did manage to sleep, I did so wrapped in his scent and hated how much comfort I got from that. As if he had found a way to get under my skin and stay there.

And damn if I hadn’t slept well because of it.

As for now, I stood in a shower with my forehead against the tile and scrubbed a man’s cum off my body and felt something close to grief about it.

It was fucked up.

I knew that. I knew how wrong it was, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. Just like I couldn’t help lying in a bathtub behind a drawn curtain and making myself come at the thought of what that huge cock could do to me. Good God but the sight of it fisted in his hand had unraveled me and made me want his hands all over again.

I had seen it in the shower but only briefly and certainly not like that. Of course, it shouldn’t have really surprised me to see how big he was, considering the size of the man. Which was why the bathtub wasn’t the only time I came, as my hand found its way down to the juncture of my thighs about an hour later in the dark. Both times I had to bite down on my own hand to keep quiet in an empty room in a building where nobody would have heard me anyway.

But doing it in my bed had been risky as they could have seen it and fuck me, if that thought hadn’t just made it hotter. Just like it had in that unlocked seclusion room at the bottom of that building.

I was seriously starting to wonder what was wrong with me.

I had been so careful these last three years. Careful not to let anyone get too close but ever since I met him, I could feel him tearing down my walls brick by brick. And as for yesterday, well they had crumbled even more, and it had nothing to do with the four orgasms.

No… it had been the talking.

Which was why I couldn’t seem to keep my mind off him. Off his questions. Off his attention. His words, his confessions, his gentle coaxing, all of it felt far too comfortable to be safe.

It felt dangerous.