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“I’m sorry I’m a shit friend,” I tell her. “I love you, too.”
“Sweetheart,” Sadie says. “I will be here no matter what. I will keep showing up, even if you tell me to fuck off.”
“What if I go to prison?”
“Then I’ll visit you every weekend,” she tells me. “But you won’t. That prosecutor might be the world’s biggest cunt, but no one is going to let you go down for this.”
“Can she be there tomorrow?” I ask Ricky.
“Yeah,” Ricky says with a smile.
Sadie hugs me once more before we walk outside. The device wrapped around my ankle beeps once, but then goes silent again.
Driving away from my apartment with Ricky, I start to grow more comfortable with my decision. I can’t imagine a life where I carry this child and survive myself at the same time. I promised Liam I would get help, so I am. I’m finally finding the space I need to heal.
Chapter Eighteen
Nora
I am pacing the conference room at the police station. I’m glad they didn’t put me in an interrogation room, but I think they’re afraid I’ll shut down again. Kimberly, Ricky, and Sadie are watching me but don’t interfere.
When the door opens and Judge Keith Thompson and District Attorney Max Hughes walk into the room, I stop. Kimberly waves me over, so I make myself move over to sit between her and Ricky. Keith and Max sit across from me, and I pick at my nails.
“Why are we here?” Max asks. “We are willing to discuss a plea deal.”
“I want to explain what happened,” I say, not looking up.
“That could have happened in court. Why am I…” Max starts to say, but Kimberly glares at him. “Fine. Jesus. What?”
“Nora,” Keith says, and I start to tear up.
“Nora, honey. You wanted to do this,” Ricky reminds me.
“I… I killed Gabriel,” I say tearfully. “He shot Liam, and I just… I don’t know. I just kept hitting him. All I could think about was everything he has taken from me. I can’t prove it, but Alex is dead because of him…”
“How do you know? He had an alibi,” Keith says.
“Earlier that week, Gabriel cornered me in the stairwell. I was supposed to resume the interviews with him but… fuck, during the blackout in the prison, he admitted he killed them. He assaulted me in the dark… In that stairwell, he raped me with the handle of his knife and threatened to slit my throat and fuck me with the knife if I fought him… Then, I hooked up with Alex, and now he’s dead… My point is, he terrorized me. He…”
“Cameras were found in her apartment when we moved her off campus,” Ricky says. “You saw the report. They linked directly back to Gabriel’s phone.”
“I saw that,” Max admits. “She still beat the man to death with a tire iron, Ricky.”
“She had a mental break and killed him,” Ricky says. “The alternative would have been her death. Her funeral. Her life ended because the last detective tried to cut corners and lost him. She is not a monster, Max. You can’t honestly sit here and believe that.”
“What else?” Keith asks me.
“I laid there with Liam as he died, and I promised to get help,” I say. “I have spent my whole life wanting to die. I’ve cut myself more times than I can count. Half of which Liam helped me take care of. He wanted me to get help, and I want help. I can’t keep living like this, and if I die, then I broke my promise. They died trying to show me I’m worth saving, and I don’t want their death to be for nothing. I’m not asking for anything. I just need help. I don’t care what it is. I just can’t live like this. I can’t keep living in the past.”
“How about this,” Keith says, glancing at Max. “I will dismiss the charges.”
“I didn’t mean…” I start to say.
“Hold on,” Keith says. “I’ll drop the charges, but you voluntarily spend one year in an inpatient psychiatric facility. When you are released, you’ll have mandatory outpatient therapy three times a week.”
“Okay,” I say.
“Wait, really?” Max asks. “I guess I didn’t expect you to agree to that.”
