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“I’ll be right here when you are ready,” he says.
I can’t do this. I can’t keep making him believe I am worthy of everything he does for me.
Eventually, I get up and pull the door open. “I’m fine. Please go away,” I say.
“You got locked in a room with a serial killer during a prison riot. You aren’t okay, baby,” he says gently. I throw my hands up and walk back to sit on my bed. Liam comes in and gently shuts the door behind him. I fucking hate that he knows what will happen if he shuts the door too hard. Something snaps in my head every time, and I get angry. Maybe it’s because it reminds me of how loud my father would be when he was drunk before coming into my bedroom. Maybe it’s because I’m fucking broken and I can’t see my way past my childhood.
“Liam, I’m not in the mood for your doting. Please just go away,” I say.
“I’m not going anywhere, baby. The last time I knew something was wrong and I walked away, you cut your wrist open. I’m surprised you didn’t cause damage,” he tells me. “You deserve to be taken care of, not forgotten because you think it’s too inconvenient for someone to love you.”
“Goddamnit, Liam!” I yell at him. “Just stop it. Stop caring so fucking much. Why can you just go away?”
“Because I love you too much to walk away when I know you are struggling. I know you don’t want to admit it, but…”
“I can’t do this,” I say. “Liam, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep pretending to be someone I’m not.”
“What do you mean?” he asks gently.
“I’m tired of destroying myself to become someone you deserve, Liam!” I say loudly. “You deserve so much better than me. You think I’m this person who will graduate and get a good job, and we will get married and have babies. I’m never going to be that person for you. Don’t you get it? I’m not who you deserve. I live a lie every fucking day, plastering a smile on so I don’t worry anyone. You make me feel like I can have a normal life, but I can’t. I know I can’t.”
“You don’t have to be anyone but you, Nora. I just want you. I want you to learn how to live and stop settling for bare minimum survival.”
“Liam, you will look back one day and realize that you fell in love with someone who doesn’t exist,” I say.
“Please don’t do this, Nora,” he says softly. “I am begging you, please let me help you.”
“I’m sorry, Liam,” I say, forcing down my emotions to keep calm. “I never should have let things get this far. I’m sorry…”
“Nora, please,” he says, his voice trembling.
“We… I can’t… I’m breaking up with you, Liam. I’m sorry,” I say, and a tear rolls down his cheek.
“I won’t give up on us, Nora. I’m right here,” he says. “I will prove to you that you deserve to be loved.”
“I wish you were right,” I say, a rogue tear sliding down my cheek. “I’m too broken for someone so damn sweet… I’m sorry… Please… Just go.”
“Nora, I love you. I do. That will never change,” he says. “Even if I can only ever be your friend… I’m here. Okay? I’m not going anywhere. If you need space, fine. But I’m not leaving you.”
“Please go,” I say as more tears roll down my cheeks.
“I love you, Nora,” he says tearfully as he moves back to the door. “Please don’t give up on yourself. Okay?”
“Goodbye, Liam,” I say, forcing myself to divert my eyes downward so he doesn’t see my heartbreak. This is so fucking painful because I wanted it so badly. I wanted everything he had to offer, but I’m too broken. Too lost. Too angry. Too much like everyone who made me this way. Today showed me that I was never meant to find that kind of happiness. I was never meant to be happy when my thoughts are so vile.
Chapter Twelve
Nora
I’ve never been this nervous before. Last time I was in this courtroom, I thought that maybe he was innocent. Maybe he deserved to be released. Now? Fuck, now I know the truth. Now I know how evil he truly is. But I can’t help but wonder how things will change if he is released. Does he continue to kill? Does he stop for a while?
Liam texted me, “Good morning, beautiful. I hope you have a wonderful day,” just like he does every day. I can’t admit that it’s the only reason I got out of bed this morning, because then I have to face the fact that I broke our hearts because of things beyond my control. I didn’t ask to be broken. I didn’t want to lose him. I try to reason with myself that maybe I can go back to pretending I’m worthy of him, but I can’t. I’m a fucking monster. How could anyone respond to violence the way I did? How can thinking the violent thoughts I do come so naturally to me?
“All rise,” the bailiff says flatly. We all stand, and the judge enters. He motions for Gabriel to be brought in as we all sit, and I am so anxious I could scream.
“Alright,” Judge Andrew Hopkins says. “I have reviewed the evidence submitted by the prosecution. After verifying that this was indeed obtained illegally, I am moving to remove the evidence from the case. In doing so, I have no choice but to dismiss all charges due to lack of evidence. Dr. Ashcroft, you are free to go.”
The world is still moving around me, but I am frozen. I knew this would be the result, but hearing it is unbelievable. Should I speak up and tell them he confessed to me? Does that make me his target? What if they call me a liar? Or unstable?
