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She continued. “You are the only person I know who measures the angles of the stars and isn’t on a ship at sea.”

“What are you suggesting? That if I were having sex, I wouldn’t be charting the stars?” She raised her brows and glanced away. “Tell me. Clearly I need your counsel.”

Carefully, she said, “I’m just wondering what you would be like if your gears were properly unwound. I’m wondering how different you’d be.”

A beat of silence passed, then I asked. “Do you want me to be different?”

“I don’t want anything from you except a paycheck.”

There it was again. Her immediate dismissiveness. Like she’d rather be cruel than actually say something true.

“Cora…”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine. I don’t want you to be different. I want you to be happy.”

I held her gaze for a long moment. “I think there is something you understand about living that I have forgotten,” I admitted. “I don’t want to be so uptight.”

“Then pick a pretty girl to fuck and move on. You have a castle full of courtiers and consorts, for Damien’s sake.”

I dropped my chin to my chest and ran a frustrated hand through my hair. “I don’t know if I could do that. With Adrien around. It’s very complicated.”

“I think the only person making this complicated is you.”

I contemplated her. There was so much I wanted to say, but couldn’t find the words to say it properly.

“Well, I’ll leave you to your stars,” she said. “Goodnight, Yves.”

I watched her go. Once she was out of sight, I propped my elbows on the balcony and stared at the ocean. There was a time when I was as wild as the sea. Wicked as could be. But I’d buried that man alongside my wife. A father didn’t get to be wild. He had to be strong. Stable. Steady.

Tightly wound, as Cora put it.

But could he also be happy?

Chapter 23

Apprivoisée

CORA

The following day, Adrien was ready to return to his regular activities after a full recovery, which meant it was my first full day as his nanny.

There was a problem with being a nanny to Adrien Allard. And it wasn’t just that I couldn’t feed him.

Although that was a problem.

I was supposed to teach him lessons, and the only thing he wanted to learn about was ghosts, dark magick, and the occult.

Everything else he already knew.

I discovered this on the first morning I attempted an actual lesson. I wasn’t going to embarrass myself by trying to teach him arithmetic, because Damien knew I was shite at sums. I’d let his father teach him arithmetic at night when they weren’t looking through their telescopes. So I began with geography. I liked maps well enough.

When I brought up the idea to Adrien, he just rolled his eyes, then recited the ports of the southern trade route in order.

“Papa has already made me study all the charts I need to know to be the next Sea Lord. And I know where all my uncle’s duchies are, and their heraldry.”

I could tell by the way he said Sea Lord that it wasn’t a job he ever wanted. It was something else I understood about Adrien.

A cold chill swept over my skin and goosebumps formed along my arms. Della pressed her beak against my wrist, and when she did, I realized I didn’t know where the sudden chill had come from.