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“Moya golovolomka, do you have any idea who I am truly?” I ask her, trying to gauge if I’ve completely misread her and who she is, or if she truly doesn’t know.

“I know your name is Nikolay. You’re Russian, or of Russian descent.” Her cheeks turn slightly red. “You’re either in a high-power position or doing something not quite legal and have a ton of money, considering you were at my father’s Halloween Gala the other night. He only surrounds himself with people who can elevate him in some way.”

“If that is all you know about me, then tell me why you’re still here,” I need to know why she’s here. My words come out harsher than I intended them to be.

Her eyes meet mine. “You feel safe. I don’t know why, how, or what it all means. All I know is that since the moment I fell into your arms that first time, I’ve felt a pull to you. My gut tells me you’re safe and I could depend on you.”

I cup her face, pulling her toward me, kissing her forehead before I lay mine against hers. “LeeAnn, I am not a good man. I’ve never had anything as precious as you. I’ve done things, and will continue to do things, that you will never know about. I can offer you me—the man that doesn’t particularly like anyone, who finds all people frustrating and not worth the time. What I will do is worship you, protect you, and make sure the evil of the world never darkens those beautiful eyes ever again.”

LeeAnn pulls away from me with a smile so soft and sweet that I truly feel like a fucking asshole for asking her to take me as I am. I would let her go if she asked. Well, I’d let her believe I let her go, but I would always be the ghost in the shadows, making sure she has the very best out of life.

Eight

LeeAnn

I know that what he is telling me is true. I know he isn’t a man who is going to be soft, all hearts and flowers. Hell, at this point I know the affection he shows me isn’t something he typically does. Sitting here in his lap, I make three very important decisions.

One, I am going to ask him if he can or will make is so that my father will never be an issue for me again.

Two, ask him to find someone that I don’t know will ever be possible to find.

Three, to find a place for Miles if he chooses to stick around.

“Silence is unnerving.” Nikolay’s watchful eyes actually show trepidation.

I find it fun that this mighty man who never bows or fears anyone is nervous.

“I understand what you are telling me. I have three things and something to tell you before I can ask you to be stuck with me.” Making the choice to be up front with him is the best place to start.

Nikolay leans back in his office chair and lays his hands on my bare thighs. “There is nothing you can ask or tell me that could be undoable or too much.”

That he truly means what he says makes this all the harder. Because how can a man really want to be with someone who not only wants them to kill someone for them but also has a baby that she's never even got to hold? The tears burn my eyes at the memory of that day, and I try with everything in me to fight them as my father’s words ring in my ears. “Tears are weakness, and I will not have a weak child.”

“Your tears are like kerosene on an already blazing fire. They cause anger to burn through me like lava looking for the right place or person to unleash on for them causing you pain of any kind,” Nikolay growls, a look in his eyes causing fear to peek its head out of the shadows.

Swallowing hard, I work up the courage to tell him. “My life hasn’t been easy. Yes, my father has money—not all of it gotten legally. My mother passed when I was five, and what little goodness my father had left in him burned out. To be honest, there have been many conversations between Miles and me. We don’t really believe that Momma’s death was completely natural. Considering she came from a long line of very wealthy not so legal family.”

“Who exactly is Miles to you? He acts almost as if he is your father,” Nikolay asks.

I smile because outside of Lottie, Miles is the only good thing in this world that is truly mine. “Miles was my mother’s head bodyguard when she was alive. He came to work for her family when she was eighteen. He was twenty-six, fresh out of the Marines. Her father hired him, and they became fast friends. When she was married to my father for family reasons, my mom told her father that the only way she would go without a fuss is if Miles got to go with her as her personal bodyguard. Everyone agreed, and then when she died it was part of her dying wish and will that he stays on as mine. I believe they loved each other in a brother and sister kind of way.”

Nikolay nods, letting me know he is listening to what I’m telling him. Taking a deep breath to steady my nerves, he massages my thighs as if sensing the anxiety coursing through me.

I look down at my hands, watching them as I pick at the hoodie I stole from his closet. I start again. “After she passed, it’s like all the goodness just evaporated from my father and he no longer had time for a child. He left me strictly in Miles's care and only gave me attention for photo ops and to show me off. So naturally, Miles became my stand-in father. Things were good for a long time until about a year and a half ago.”

Lifting my eyes, I make sure that he hears what I’m about to say. “I need you to listen to the entire next part before you ask anything or react in any way.”

Nikolay’s eyes narrow, and he flexes the fingers on my thighs. “Making promises I can’t keep is not something I do often. What I will do is tell you I will not act on anything you say until you are completely done.”

I give him a small nod. “Fair enough. A year and a half ago my father hired a very young new bodyguard—going around Miles. He was so sweet and charming, and as a young woman who was starved for attention and love, I ate it up. In my naïve young mind, he was my everything and was going to take me away from all the hurt and craziness. It wasn’t long before we were sleeping together. Before you think it, I wanted to and thought it was love. Everything was great, and we were talking about leaving Cloudland Canyon Falls to get out from under my father. Until I told him I was pregnant.”

The look on Nikolay’s face is pure shock and confusion before he can mask it. “There is nothing anywhere that says you have a baby. I’ve looked in every corner of everywhere for information on your father and family. I’ve had your father hacked, gotten information from local law enforcement, the FBI, shit, I even tapped into my contacts at the CIA, ATF, and people you would never hear about. No information of any kind was found about you having a baby.”

He doesn’t know it, but with every word the shards of my heart are ground nearly to dust.

“How is that possible? I don’t understand,” I mumble to myself, panic and frustration building in my chest.

“How what?” Nikolay asked softly. “What’s wrong?”