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Or had the raw truth been too much for her to take?
He knew he wasn’t an easy man to be with, let alone love. Too many strings bound him to a career in public service that many women weren’t fit for. But Alyssa had evolved from a skilled assistant to his entire support system. How could he let her walk away?
By the time they pulled up to her apartment, they were both ready to jump out of the car and their skin. When she turned to face him, sadness bruised her eyes behind those signature lenses. “Jonathan? Can I speak with you a moment inside?”
The formality almost broke him. Unable to speak, he followed her in.
She dragged in a breath. “I have something important to say.”
“Alyssa?” His voice broke around her name.
She closed her eyes halfway as if afraid to hear anymore. “Yes?”
“Are you giving up before we even started?”
His question demanded things from her he prayed she’d embrace. But his heart already knew the answer as she tipped her chin up and looked him straight in the eye while she said the one word he wasn’t ready for.
“Yes.”
He let out a blistered curse, reached out before realizing he didn’t have the right to touch her, then stumbled back. “Did something happen tonight? I noticed a change after our dance.”
“Whitney spoke with me in the restroom.”
Another curse escaped. Damn Whitney. She’d been hot on his trail for a while now, ambition twisted with lust in her eyes for a political spouse spot, and she hadn’t been subtle. But neither had he. He’d made his intentions clear. He wasn’t interested in pursuing her. “Nothing is going on between Whitney and me. I told her straight out a long time ago.”
“I know. She tried to insinuate you’d been seeing each other, but I sensed it was a bluff. She bribed me with another high-level job if I left your office.”
He ground his teeth as anger pounded through him. “How dare she? I swear to God, Alyssa, I’m going to have a talk with her. That’s unacceptable.”
She waved her hand wearily in the air. “It doesn’t matter. Let it go, I’m not taking the bribe. But she did make her intentions known about exposing us. I guess she saw the way I looked at you during the dance.”
“She probably saw the way I looked at you.”
Alyssa flinched. He ached to close the distance between them and apply his usual determination to win her over. Kiss her, strip her, fuck her. Keep her tied to his bed for so many hours, she’d finally surrender and admit that she wanted him and damn the consequences. But Alyssa was stronger than most, and he knew she needed to be the one to decide.
“I know you want to take a chance,” she said softly. “But I’m not risking it. I’ll continue working for you, but it has to be business from here on out. We both have too much to lose.”
He pinned her with his stare. The air squeezed with sexual tension and unspoken emotion. “Or maybe we both win.”
A strangled laugh escaped her throat. “I knew you wouldn’t give up easily.”
“We’re not doing anything wrong, Alyssa. I’m willing to put it out there for the world, and I don’t give a crap what anyone thinks. Let them judge or pick us apart or write junk in a paper. As long as I have you, I can fight them all. Don’t let Whitney scare you away from something this good.”
“I’m not. I’m looking at the bigger picture. Am I just supposed to step from the role of valued assistant to bed partner? Do you know how bad that will look?”
Irritation bristled. “It’s not like that, and you know it. You’d be my lover. My girlfriend. My cherished partner. Take your pick.”
“The press would pigeonhole me. Rip away my skills and talents and everything I’ve accomplished by insinuating I slept my way to the top. Do you think, even in this day and age, it’s safe for a woman to succeed? It’s not, Jonathan. People are always looking to strip us from our pedestal, and the moment we win something, the world can’t wait to rip it away like we’ll never be worthy. It’s different for you. It always has been.”
God, he hated that she was right. Despised that he’d be deemed a conquering hero, and her the villainess, or a slut, or a social climber. Even worse? Someone who used sex to succeed. He’d tear the press and critics apart if they ever tried to spin such crap, which would end up feeding the entire media circus.
And she knew it.
The grim knowledge in her eyes ripped him apart. She was right. She saw things he couldn’t because of his role. And if he kissed her, tried to bend her to his will and make her believe it would all be okay, she might lose a part of herself she’d never be able to heal.
He couldn’t be the man to do that.
A terrible sense of grief filled him from the inside. Could he work so closely with her, day in and day out, knowing Alyssa Block would never be truly his? Could he step aside while she found a man who could be her partner in every way? Could he pretend he wasn’t half in love with her and stick to business?
