Page 36

‘I love being able to pick up the phone and talk to you. It means the world to me that you’re here for me and willing to listen.’

‘I’ll always be here for you,’ he says. ‘You don’t ever have to wonder about that.’

I kick my feet against the edge of my bed, holding my phone tucked between my shoulder and ear. The ceiling fan whirrs softly above me. Everything feels small and safe in this moment, like the world can’t touch me as long as he’s on the other end of the line.

‘Tell me something,’ he says. ‘Anything.’

I think for a second, then laugh quietly. ‘It’s raining here. Like, really raining. Whenever it rains or storms, I think of you.’

‘Really?’ he whispers.

‘Yeah. I always check out what the weather is doing, in case you ask.’

‘I love listening to the rain when I fall asleep. I especially love it when it storms.’

‘Me too.’

There’s a pause, comfortable and warm, filled with the sound of rain tapping against my window. I can picture him perfectly, sprawled on his bed, staring at the ceiling, phone pressed tightly to his ear like he’s afraid I might disappear if he lets it go, because I am doing the exact same thing.

‘Thank you for always answering when I call,’ I whisper.

‘Of course. It’s nice to know someone else is fighting the same chaos you are. Makes it all a little less heavy.’

I cling to that thought. Even this far apart, we have a connection I can’t find anywhere else. For the first time this week, I feel like I’m not completely alone.

‘You okay?’ I ask.

He sighs. ‘It’s not just my brother. It’s everything – this house, this family. I feel constantly on edge, like I’m walking through a minefield and one wrong step will set everything off. I can’t ever just breathe.’

I squeeze the phone a little tighter. ‘I get that. Sometimes it feels like no matter what I do, I’m missing something, or someone’s not seeing me. Like I don’t belong anywhere anymore. I’m an outsider in my own family.’

‘Exactly,’ he murmurs. There’s a harshness in his voice now. ‘I’m supposed to be the strong one, right? The one who handles it all, but I’m not. I get angry too, and I get scared. I feel like I’m failing all the time.’

‘You’re not failing,’ I whisper. ‘You’re just human, and you’re surviving.’

There’s a quiet chuckle on the other end, small and almost broken.

‘Yeah … surviving.’ He breathes a laugh, bitter and strained. ‘Sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough, but hearing your voice helps. I fucking miss you, even though I didn’t even get to know you in person that much.’

I close my eyes, letting his words sink in.

‘I know what you mean,’ I say. ‘I miss seeing your face, even though I only saw it a few times.’

‘I’m glad I met you before you left, Cherry.’

Cherry. The nickname slips easily from his mouth. My fingers move to catch the little cherries dangling from my ears.

‘Me too.’

There’s another long silence, and I let out a small laugh. It bubbles through my lips, completely out of my control.

‘What?’ he asks, sounding amused by my laughter.

‘Sorry. Not an appropriate time to laugh, but I just had this weird vision of your brother looking like a cartoon villain.’

Ash laughs, bringing a smile to my face.

‘A cartoon villain, huh?’ he teases. ‘He certainly is a villain.’