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“It was not easy, and I’m not entirely sure it can be called patience. Some might consider it surrender, given that she married another man.”

“Yet you did not marry anyone, which suggests that you held out hope, or do I assume incorrectly?”

Theodore considered the matter for a moment and then tilted his head to the side. “I suppose you are correct. It didn’t seem right to marry anyone else as I knew I would never be able to love them as much as Agatha, and that seemed unfair.”

“So how did you do it? How did you carry this love with you all through your life, knowing that the day would come?”

Theodore chuckled.

“I was never sure the day would come, my boy. The thing about love is that you feel it even though sometimes it’s doomed. I still loved Agatha, but I did not think we would ever be together. And then a miracle happened, and thankfully I kept my heart open. I suppose that’s what it’s all about really: being open to the possibility that things can change. And when you meet someone you love wholly and completely, you choose them every day of your life. You keep making that choice even when it’s difficult, even when it may not always be good for you, because really it’s the only choice you can make. Love tends to make the decision for us,” he smiled and squeezed Gerald’s arm. “Thankfully you don’t have to worry about any of that. You have Clara standing beside you, and although Agatha’s words weren’t entirely meant for you, I believe her advice is wise, and you should heed it,” he said, smiling earnestly before returning to the room.

Gerald lingered in the hallway for a while, reflecting on these words. The arrangement with Clara had seemed so straightforward at the beginning. Marriage and love had been the farthest things from his mind, but now everything was becoming muddled, and the elements that had been added to his life were coming to seem fundamental. It was difficult to see how he could go back to the way things were, but Clara had her own life, and she was proud of it.

From what he could infer, she almost saw being someone’s wife as a debasement, as though it was taking away her independence and her spirit. Perhaps he didn’t have to worry about her courting Sir Mercer or anyone else after they were done. She may not court anyone again, and neither would he, for he agreed with Theodore’s opinion that it would be unfair to marry anyone when a heart belonged to someone else.

So he and Clara would both be unmarried.

Somehow that seemed like a waste.

Would he have to wait another thirty or forty years to encounter Clara again and rectify a mistake, or was there something he could do now, something to convince her that she could be a wife, that he wanted her to be his wife?

Chapter Twenty-One

Clara was arranging flowers at Clemont Hall when Eleanor entered the ballroom.

Gerald had been called away on business, so Clara had not seen him all day. She wasn’t sure if this was a relief or not. She did miss his presence, even when they were standing in silence, her arranging flowers and him snipping the stems.

“Clara, might I steal you away from the flowers to help me choose a gown? I want to look my very best at the gala, and since you have done so well at choosing flowers that complement each other, I can only assume you must have a wonderful sense of style as well,” Eleanor said.

“I would be happy to,” Clara replied. They left the ballroom and went into Eleanor’s chambers, where various gowns and ribbons were displayed. Clara began to dismiss some at first sight, knowing they would not be flattering to Eleanor’s complexion.

“I very much enjoyed meeting your mother and father at dinner. It was a shame Beatrice could not attend. They spoke fondly of her.”

“Yes, unfortunately she had a prior engagement. Sometimes I wonder if I should worry that my younger sister’s social calendar is busier than mine,” Clara giggled, although there was more truth to her words than she would have liked to admit.

“I think we are both behind her in that regard, considering what I heard.”

“Indeed, Beatrice does love the company of other people. I’m sure she will fit right into the ton when she is ready for her debut. I believe she is much like Grandmother was at her age.”

“Your Grandmother makes it sound like such a magical time. It isn’t quite like that for me. Everything seems more challenging.”

“The ton offers some unique obstacles. It is not for everyone. I did not spend much time engaged with the ton’s events, certainly not as much as mother and father would have liked.”

“May I ask why?”

Clara pinched the hem of a violet dress and dipped her head.

“I spent all my life wanting to be a part of that adult world. I used to grow annoyed whenever I was taken to bed while the party continued, feeling as though I was missing out. But then I attended the events and I realized I had overestimated the excitement of the ton. People were more interested in gossip than in anything substantial, and all the of the men… well.”

“What about them?” Eleanor asked, leaning towards Clara. Clara examined another purple dress that was a lighter shade and a slightly different style than the previous one. She handed it to Eleanor, who took it behind a screen, accompanied by a maid.

“They were more interested in using me to make connections with my family. I was just a step to them, a bridge to bring them closer to more important people.”

“I have noticed that people are concerned with climbing the ranks of society. We must both be glad that my brother is not like that. Before he met you it was awful, Clara. Every event we attended he outshone me. Women flocked around him, each of them fluttering their eyelashes to try and catch his attention. Apparently he had become something of a myth in his absence, and as soon as he appeared again they all leaped on him, eager to snare him before he disappeared once more. Of course, that did not leave much room for me. I think he felt a little guilty, even though it wasn’t entirely his fault.”

And that’s why he asked me to help him, Clara thought, although of course she did not say this out loud.

“I’m so glad he met you, and not just for that reason, of course,” Eleanor said as she emerged from behind the screen. She pinched the dress near her waist, making it flare at the sides. It billowed out as she twisted, creating a flowing motion.