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“Sorry.” I swipe at my eyes. “It’s been a hell of a week.”
He slides a hand through the water and takes my shoulder. “I’m a good listener, if you need to get it out.”
I glance around the private garden that houses the pool. I’ve noticed a lot of cameras around the resort, and I barely know this man. The last thing I need is for him to secretly record me.
“There are no cameras in here,” he says, as if reading my mind. “Some areas need to be private.”
I take a long, shuddery breath. “I recorded a TV show recently. Have you heard of Loved Unseen?”
He shakes his head.
“There’s a bunch of guys and a bunch of girls, and they meet each other behind a screen, without seeing each other. If you like one of the guys, you spend more time with them and get to know them, always with this screen between you so you never see each other. If there’s a strong enough connection, you make this commitment vow to keep dating once you meet without the screen.”
He looks skeptical, and I don’t blame him. I was stupid enough to believe looks don’t matter.
“You’re not allowed to talk about your appearance at all. It’s supposed to be the opposite of dating apps where it’s all about appearance. It’s to see if you can form a deep connection based on attributes other than physical attraction.”
He stiffens. “Did you form a connection?”
I think about Cameron, the guy I met on the show. At first, I thought he was nice and funny, and he seemed to really like me.
“There was someone there who I thought was decent.”
Axel’s fingers grip my shoulder. “What happened?”
“After a few ‘dates,’ I realized he wasn’t for me, but the producers encouraged me to keep seeing him. If you connect as a couple, you get a paid vacation together.” I wince; it’s hard admitting I didn’t trust my gut. I’m not proud that I let the producers convince me to continue with it, but I got caught up in the excitement of filming the show and let them decide for me.
“So he made this commitment vow?”
“Yes, through the wall.” I snap my mouth shut, unsure if I can continue.
Axel’s hand moves down my shoulder to my arm. “What happened?”
“The couples meet in person, and it’s supposed to be this happy moment when they see each other for the first time. You stand at opposite ends of this red carpet and the doors open, and you’re revealed to each other.”
My voice hitches, and Axel finds my hand under the water and holds it.
“The doors opened and I walked forward, and Cameron stopped and stared and shook his head.”
I swallow hard, fighting the tears. “I kept walking toward him with a stupid smile plastered on my face. And when I reached him, he looked out to the producers and said, ‘You said there’d be no fat chicks.’”
Axel’s face goes still, and I can’t look at him. A sob erupts from my throat, and Axel’s grip on my hand tightens.
“Some asshole was filming it on their phone and it leaked, and now I’m the laughingstock of the internet. They’re making memes about me. Cameron’s become a pin-up boy for the manosphere, and I’m getting death threats from strangers.”
Another sob shudders through my body, and Axel pulls me toward him. I sink into his warmth and let the pain from the last few days come out in large, unattractive, shuddery sobs.
“Oh, Ruby.” He runs his hand over my back in small circles. “You are a beautiful woman, and that guy’s an asshole.”
“The worst part about it is, I’ve always loved my body. I’ve never been ashamed of my size. And now I’m questioning who I am. Last week, I would have taken my robe off in front of you and not cared if you found my curves not to your liking. Now, I want to hide under this water and keep my body to myself.”
His hand stops on my back, and he pulls me back to look at him. “Don’t you dare let some asshole take your confidence away. You have nothing to be ashamed of. That’s his shame, not yours. Your body is beautiful. Remember that.”
I wipe my eyes. “You sound just like my mom. She taught me to love my shape.”
“She sounds like a wise woman.”
Talking to Axel, it’s as if a burden has dropped from my shoulders. It’s good to share, and he’s a good listener.
