Page 42
He holds my gaze for a long moment, his expression softening. "You don't have to talk to him, songbird."
"I know." I smile, reaching up to touch his cheek. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do, not with Bishop here. I think he'd fight the armies of hell to ensure it if I asked it of him. But I don't need him to protect me right now, not from Cody and not from the truth. "I've got this."
He turns his head slightly, pressing his lips to the center of my palm. "Yeah, you do," he whispers against my skin. "I'll be right here."
I nod gratefully, trusting him because I know he means it. He'll be here today, tomorrow, anytime I need him. He'll never lie to me, steal from me, or break my heart. He'll never take advantage of me or teach me lessons I shouldn't have to learn. He'll be my shield and my shelter because that's who he is. He's my cowboy, the one person in this world outside my family who wants what's best for me, no matter what.
Cody is completely silent, still standing by the door. I reluctantly turn to face him, only to see his eyes locked on the ring on my hand. I don't try to hide it from him. I'm not doing that. Maybe he is in love with me; I don't know. But it's a selfish kind of love. It's the kind that makes no sacrifices and takes more than it gives. He was my friend, and the whole time, he was trying to find ways to make me fall in love with him. He was lying and doing things behind my back so he could make himself look good. That's not love. At least, it's not the kind of love I want.
I want the wild, reckless kind that burns like fire, and the protective, healing kind that feels like home. I want the kind only Bishop can give me.
"He asked you to marry him," Cody says. It's not really a question.
"Yes," I answer anyway. Bishop put his ring on my finger before I was even awake on Saturday. It's Monday, and I still feel like I'm walking on clouds. I always thought getting a record deal would make me feel that way. Turns out, it was waking up naked in bed with a cowboy who slipped his ring on my finger after fucking me to exhaustion. I'm not mad about it.
Cody sighs, then nods. He doesn't really seem surprised, though.
"I…fuck, Callie Cat," he groans, shoving a hand through his hair like he always does when he's stressed, embarrassed, or just doesn't know what to say. "I really fucked it all up, didn't I?"
I hesitate, not because I don't know how to answer or because I don't want to answer, but simply because I don't think I'll ever really understand how we got here. "Why didn't you just tell me, Cody?" I ask. "The truth would have been so much easier to swallow than learning that you've been lying to me pretty much since the minute I hired you."
"He told you?" Cody asks, glancing at Bishop.
"Of course I told her," Bishop mutters. "I don't keep secrets from her, especially not about shit she deserves to know."
"He told me," I confirm.
Cody nods as if he expected that. Maybe he did. If he knows Bishop at all, he probably should have. "I keep asking myself the same question," he says, shrugging uncomfortably. "I've been asking myself for days. I want to say I did it for you, because I didn't want you to feel like you were responsible for my father cutting me off, but honestly?" He blows out a breath. "I think that's bullshit. I think I did it because I knew you wouldn't have let me risk everything to do this shit with you, and I wasn't willing to take that chance."
Bishop mutters under his breath beside me.
"I was in love with you," Cody blurts. "I am in love with you. I wanted to be the one by your side, helping make your dreams come true. I thought if it was me at your side, then maybe…" His gaze flickers between me and Bishop before he sighs. "That shit wasn't ever going to happen though, was it?"
"No," I whisper. Even now, I don't want to hurt him, but he deserves the truth, even if he never gave it to me. "I've always loved you, but I've never been in love with you. You were my friend, my best friend. That's all I ever wanted from you. I'm sorry."
Cody jerks his chin in a nod. "Figured that out a while ago, Callie," he says, sighing again. "And I fucked it all up anyway."
"I wish you'd told me the truth."
"Me, too. For what it's worth, I'm fucking sorry," he rasps, meeting my gaze. I see the guilt in his gray eyes and the pain, and I know he means it. He regrets the way things turned out and everything he's done. "I know it's too late and that the damage is already done, but I'm fucking sorry, sweetheart."
"Me too," I whisper, wrapping my arms around myself. Things could have gone so damn differently if he'd just been honest. Had he simply told me that his dad cut him off instead of lying and going behind my back, we could have figured it out. Instead, he lied. And then he lied some more. And then he stole to cover his lies. And when the gig was up, instead of coming clean, he said I owed him, that it wasn't a big deal.
It was a big deal. It still is. And it never would have happened in the first place if he hadn't lied and told me that he fronted the money for the EP himself. Had he just told me that he borrowed it and still owed, I would have gladly given him every dime.
"Can I fix this?" Cody asks, his voice a scrap of sound. "Will we ever be friends again, Callie Cat?"
Bishop immediately pulls me up against his side, lending me his strength. He doesn't say a word. He's simply there. And that's what Cody never understood. I never needed a hero. I never needed someone to make my dreams come true for me. I can do that all by myself.
All I need, all I'll ever need, is to be loved in the quiet moments, in the simple ways, in the ways that make me nervous, and set me on fire, and make me want to risk it all for one more kiss. I need to be loved when I'm unreasonable, held when I'm scared, and put back together when I'm breaking. I need honesty because sometimes, being honest with myself is the most terrifying thing in this world.
Bishop understands that because he understands me. But even after knowing me for my entire life, Cody still doesn't. I guess he's always been too busy trying to win me to try to understand me. And I simply wasn't honest enough with myself to see what was happening right in front of me.
So can we be friends again?
"Maybe," I whisper. "I hope, someday, we can be. But that day isn't today, Cody. You really hurt me, and I'm still trying to figure out how to forgive that. I don't know if I can…but I want to be the kind of person who can eventually."
He jerks his chin in a nod, his expression watery. "I can respect that," he says, his voice rough. "But goddamn if hearing it doesn't suck, Callie."