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“Are you… afraid?” I ask, glancing between both men. “Of what I am? Of… what I can do?”

I don’t realize how afraid I am of their answer until the words are actually out of my mouth. I mean, I wouldn’t blame them if they are afraid of me. Heck, I’m scared, too. Mainly because I don’t understand any of what’s happening to me. I don’t know what I can do. I don’t know what will trigger it. I have no control, and that’s… terrifying.

What happens if I have a nightmare one night while the fire’s burning across the room? What if one morning, I wake up and realize I’ve done something in my sleep and hurt my Mates accidentally?

I shiver, imagining this room engulfed in roaring flames, both males unable to escape the fire as it eats through everything around them, turning it to ash. My stomach rolls, nausea replacing the fear, making me physically ill.

I shake my head, trying to dispel the image, but now that I’ve considered it, I can’t stop.

Both Alphas appear in front of me, sporting identical expressions of concern.

Soren reaches for me, his voice full of conviction as he swears, “I’m not afraid of you, Idril. Am I concerned about what you can do? Absolutely. But not for myself. I don't believe you’d ever do anything that could hurt me, or Caelan. I’m more worried for you—but only because I want you to understand what’s inside of you. I don’t want you to wonder. I don’t want you to worry. I want you to embrace whatever it is you can do and love that part of yourself.”

My smile is watery. I know he means what he’s saying, but I can’t get that image out of my head now. All of this is so overwhelming. I feel like my entire life is spiraling out of control, speeding toward a massive accident that I’m helpless to prevent.

Caelan gently tucks a piece of hair behind my ear with one hand, the other twisting behind his back to pull something from his back pocket and holding it between us with a blinding smile on his face.

How can he smile so easily? He’s already been hurt once because of me—because of my father—isn’t he at all concerned about these abilities none of us understand?

“A beanie,” he explains, mistaking my frown as simple confusion over his gift. “For your hair. Soren has to wear one too.” He winks at the other Alpha, startling a watery laugh out of me. He stands, and with gentle hands, starts pulling back my hair and combing through it with his fingers.

Caelan crouches down in front of me with an easy smile and absolutely no hint of the same anxiety I’m feeling. “I don’t think you could hurt one of us even if you tried, Idril. I think that whatever these abilities of yours are, they protect you, and they protect your Mates.” He begins separating my hair into sections before braiding it, and the gentle pressure on my scalp feels like absolute heaven. “I also think that once you learn more about them, you’ll be able to control who they protect.”

Could he be right? Does this—this—power have some kind of built-in failsafe for my Mates? Does it only apply to the five of us, or can I protect others from its destruction as well? Branwen? Riven? Kane?

Fates, there’s so much I don’t know. So many questions I have no answers to.

And Fates… I want to believe him. I want to believe that, for once in my Fates-damned life, I’ve been given something good. Gods, I want it so bad it hurts.

Except, there is a little voice inside of me that’s terrified he’s got this all wrong.

My instinct is to immediately dismiss that fear because this part of me doesn’t feel wrong. It feels… It feels like a part of my soul that’s been hidden from me my entire life.

It feels like sunshine and light and hope and mine.

If only I had more answers. If only I knew what it was or where it came from or how to use it, for Fate’s sake. Maybe then I wouldn’t be second-guessing everything.

Maybe then I wouldn’t be second-guessing myself.

“Have some faith in yourself, Omega,” Caelan whispers fiercely. “Soren and I believe in you. You just need to believe in yourself as well.”

There’s a knock at the door, and we all turn to face it. It swings open, and Vaelenor peeks his head around the frame. When his eyes land on Caelan, he smiles sheepishly and says, ”Uh… We’re ready when you all are.”

“We’ll be right down,” Caelan replies without even bothering to look up. Vae doesn’t say anything, but for a long second he just stands in the doorway, looking at the three of us with something that looks an awful lot like longing before turning away and pulling the door shut behind him.

“Are you ready for this?” Soren asks once he’s gone. “You haven’t really said anything since they came back with the news, Idril.”

“I don’t know,” I sigh, and the words are barely a whisper, because the truth is that I don’t know how to feel, or what to think at all. Part of me is terrified we’ll show up, and the woman they found won’t even be there. Or maybe she’s not actually my mother at all, and Vae and Silas aren’t as sure of our resemblance as they think they are.

I don’t know which option would be worse, honestly. And the last thing I want to do is give in to the hope swirling in my gut because if it’s not her, or she’s gone, or we can’t rescue her… then what?

Pressure builds behind my eyes, but I refuse to give in to the tears. I don’t have time to be sad right now. I don’t have time to break down. I can’t.

“I don’t know what to think, or how to feel. It's too much,” I whisper, and the admission falls from my lips before I’ve thought to set it free. But I don’t take it back because, gods, it feels good to acknowledge it. “There’s so much happening. So many life-altering things and it’s all just—I don’t know how to—I can’t⁠—”

Soren’s arms wrap around me, and I fall into him, more than willing to let him hold me up because I can’t do it myself right now. My mind spins, and my limbs shake, and, Fates, what am I supposed to do?

“I left her there,” I sob, and just like my tears, there’s no way to hold back my words. Not when they’re weighed down with so much guilt I can’t breathe around the way it’s suffocating me from the inside.