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Which was insane, and pathetic, and… true.
Now, lying on my side in bed and watching the cat curl up in a tight ball and fall asleep, I feel like I can’t breathe properly, and not only because of my injuries.
Days like this are the worst. When everything hits at once, and I realize how utterly alone I am. Not a soul knows I’m in this house outside of Father and the staff.
And worse… no one cares.
The only place I’m allowed to go now is when my father takes me to see my doctor.
The visits started once a year after I emerged as an Omega, but lately they’ve increased.
Every month, like clockwork, Father will pack me in the car and drive us to a place that looks more like a movie set than a Doctor’s Office. A wide, echoing lobby that had no receptionist, no waiting room full of patients, no magazines.
It’s cold and clinical, and I hate that my father believes I’m so stupid that I don’t know it isn’t a real Doctor’s office. The one time I questioned the lack of patients and other doctors, Father rolled his eyes, as if my question were outrageous.
“This is the same place I’ve been taking you for years, Idril,” he said. “You’re an Omega, and this is a private facility, not a public hospital. This is where the best doctors work. Off the books, of course.”
That’s the day I realized he would always underestimate me. He will always believe I’m an idiot just because I’m an Omega.
The only normal part of those visits is the Doctor himself. Doctor Albertson is a kind old man, with a bushy beard that’s gone from grey to white as the years passed, and spectacles that are always slipping down the bridge of his nose.
He’s always gentle, handling me like I’m a piece of glass he’s scared to break.
His kind words and soft demeanor never change, but recently, something else has started to shift.
First, it was the questions. Odd but vague.
“Have you had any strange feelings? Any tingling in your limbs or odd sensations in your mind?”
He smiled, acting like these were all perfectly logical things to ask, and I briefly contemplated that I might be reading too much into them.
Then they became more specific.
“Have you noticed any heat in your chest or limbs? What about the air? Have you noticed the temperature dropping quickly? I seem to remember your mother having a lovely garden right outside your room. How have those blooms been performing?”
Confused, I pushed, desperate to understand why he was asking.
“You never know when your first heat will hit, dear, so we need to keep an eye on anything out of the ordinary.” His answer sounded practiced, despite the confident tone. “The last thing you want is to go through a heat with no Alphas.”
I nodded, because that was what he expected of me.
After that, the blood draws started.
Not too much at first. A vial here and there to supposedly test my hormone levels.
Until during the last visit, he filled an entire bag before I started swaying. My vision blurred around the edges, and the tips of my fingers started to tingle.
“Oh dear,” he murmured, sounding genuinely concerned. He helped me lie back, placing a warm blanket around my legs while he took out the needle and scribbled something on the bag.
“That’s my fault, isn’t it?” He tutted, handing me a bottle of juice and some crackers. “I should have known this would be too much, too soon.”
Pushing his glasses up his nose, he gave me a reassuring smile and a pat on the knee, then stepped out to speak with my father. I could barely hear them through the concrete wall, but what was very clear was the sharp edge in the Doctor’s tone.
“I told you. If you want to continue, then she must be healthy enough to handle it,” he snapped in a tone I’d never heard from him. “I will not be responsible for a decline in her health.”
I heard an indistinct reply, recognizing the cadence of my father’s arrogant, no-nonsense tone. They went back and forth for some time until the door swung open and Doctor Albertson hissed, “Do what you must, but that’s my line.”
When he faced me, he was once more all smiles and kind eyes, but I saw his face when the door flew open, and it’d been lined with a fury so palpable I could practically feel it in the air.
