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It fucking kills me to even think it, but I have to do right by Harper, even if that means hurting her. If I push her away now before we fall deeper, surely it will hurt less than if we wait?

I have to think of a way to push Harper away so she never looks back. There’s no other way this will work unless I go all in and make her hate me.

Now I just need to work out how I’m going to destroy the only girl I’ve ever cared about, whilst hoping she takes care of the pieces of my heart that will always belong with her.

Asoft moan escapes my lips before I’ve even opened my eyes, my whole body alight with that familiar feeling of ecstasy. My brain is foggy from sleep, still half in the dream I was enjoying just a few moments ago, and I struggle to decide whether the feel of Lawson worshipping me is real or not.

My eyes shoot open when he sinks deep inside me, and I blink rapidly to push away the hazy sleepiness. Him waking me up in such a way overwhelms me, and I quickly try to assess the situation before I’m lost to him completely.

My wrists are bound to the unyielding wooden bedposts, the rough fibres of the rope biting into my skin, creating a burning friction each time I move. The sharp sting around my lips confirms they’ve been sealed shut with duct tape, the tacky barrier preventing my desperate urge to cry out.

My knees are bent so far they press into my chest, as the roughness of the ropes rubs against my skin where they bind my calves tightly to my thighs. His large, warm hands grip my legs, pushing them outwards, spreading them wide enough to make room for himself.

How the fuck was he able to tie me up like this without me waking up? I bet he drugged me, like he’s been hinting at.

The room is bathed in darkness, thanks to the closed curtains and the late hour, and the light shining through the partly open bathroom door is the only thing that allows me to see Lawson. Faint light surrounds his large silhouette, making him appear almost angelic, which is laughable because we all know he’s a demon in disguise. But he’s my demon.

As he sinks into me faster with each thrust, I moan against the tape sealing my lips. There’s just enough light to see the harsh lines of his face and the furrow in his brow, making him seem almost angry, and his bruising grip on my thigh and hip only add to this.

A niggling worry sets my nerves on edge, only emphasising the anxiety that started several hours ago when Lawson didn’t come home. He left me in his bed this morning with a note saying he would be back later, that he was visiting his father. Their relationship is strained, so he never stays for too long.

As the hours of the day ticked away, I became more concerned by his absence, and it was only made worse when he never returned any of my text messages. When it got to late evening, I went to Bram, worried something might have happened to Lawson.

Bram seemed to take pleasure in the fact I was worried about his friend, taking a moment to gloat as he pointed out my obvious feelings for Lawson. I waved him away, not willing to talk about it with anyone except Lawson.

He reassured me that Lawson was fine, that he just needed some time to himself, and that he’d be back later tonight. Even though it was meant to reassure me, it didn’t. I understand Lawson needing time for himself, but he’s constantly in contact with me, so his silence only strengthened that impending feeling of doom that kept nudging its way into my thoughts.

A quick look at the clock behind Lawson confirms it’s almost three in the morning, but before I can properly take that in, Lawson’s cock hits that spot deep inside me that causes fireworks to erupt along the edges of my vision, and all logical thoughts fade away. I’m consumed by the feel of him taking me, owning me, destroying me in the best possible way.

I lift my head just a little, and it’s enough to see Lawson’s piercing silver eyes as he stares at me. But instead of the fire I usually see when he wakes me up in this way, his gaze is cold and hard, and he’s looking at me like I’m just another hole he can sink into and forget about.

I try to speak, an ominous chill rushing over me as fear niggles away beneath the surface when I look at a man I’ve not seen before. Even during our first time, when there were no feelings involved, just promises and a duty to the Gifting Ceremony, he never looked at me with such emptiness.

I shake my head three times, which is our sign that I want to slow things down or take a short break, but Lawson is looking at me without really seeing me, so he doesn’t notice my signal. That in itself should scare the shit out of me, but I remind myself that I trust Lawson implicitly.

Despite the panic prickling beneath the surface, I try to push all the negative thoughts from my mind and focus on the overwhelming pleasure he’s giving my body, the way he always does. The feel of his cock hitting me deep rips a moan from my throat, but it’s dampened by the tape.

It’s such an overwhelming mismatch of feelings as my body chases the pleasure he’s giving me, while my mind screams that something is wrong. I try to quiet the noise in my head by rocking my hips to meet each of his thrusts, chasing the release that’s building.

But no matter how much I throw myself into the desire, my overactive mind prevents me from reaching that peak, and I shake my head three times again, hoping Lawson sees me this time.

I breathe a sigh of relief when his movements stop, and he freezes with his cock buried deep inside me. I keep my eyes on him as he blinks a few times, his expression softening with each movement. It’s like the transition is happening in slow motion right in front of me, as a myriad of emotions cross his face.

He starts cold, then confused, before he sinks into anger and then despair, until he finally settles on something that looks almost like pain, even though that makes no sense. My brow furrows as I try to make sense of what I’m seeing before me.

For as long as I’ve known Lawson, one of his greatest talents has always been his ability to hide his true feelings, to pull on an unreadable mask so that nobody knows what he’s thinking or feelings. It’s one thing I’ve enjoyed most about our time together: watching him shed the mask and show me the real Lawson beneath.

Now, all of his emotions are laid bare for me, and they break my heart in a way I never expected. His pain is my pain, and I want nothing more than to ease the furrow from his brow and take away his frown, but it’s clear he’s trying to pull away from me, and that fucking hurts.

I want him to take the tape off so I can ask him what’s going on, but I already know he won’t answer me. The look he’s giving me makes that more than clear, so when he reaches over and removes the tape from my lips, I keep quiet—even though it kills me.

He leans in closer, not saying a word either, and the chemistry between us seems to crackle as I feel his hard length pulsing deep inside me, still not moving at all. As much as I want to rock my hips, to force him to move, I’m transfixed, caught in this stifling bubble with him as we both just stare at each other, waiting for who knows what.

His face is moving closer at the most annoyingly slow speed, but the nearer he gets, the more his features soften. It’s almost like he’s studying every little piece of my face, memorising it as though he’ll forget it if he doesn’t.

Lawson stops just centimetres from me, his breath fanning over my face, giving me the chance to breathe him in. I wait, but he doesn’t move any further; he just continues staring at me without so much as a blink.

Unable to stop myself, I lift my head and close the minute distance between us, pressing my lips to his. It’s the briefest kiss, as I don’t want to push him too far when there’s clearly something going on with him, but the feel of him filling me, pushing me so close to the edge without giving me that release, only makes me crave him.